Big Girls Don’t Shop
I fucking hate shopping. I hate it more than ever now that I’m a large woman, but even as a slender young lady (HAHAHAHAHA…I said “lady”), I never enjoyed it. Why? Because I am tall.
Tall girl problems include:
1) Empire waists are really nipple straps
2) Regular waists are really empire waists
3) Sweater dresses are actually tunics
4) Tights. Or “crotch-knees” as I like to call them
5) Nothing “tailored” fits off the rack
6) SHOES. Tall woman = big feet = sneering shoe salespeople
Since my teens, I have worn a 10-11 American size women’s shoe. I wore a lot of men’s sneakers and work/winter boots. After my pregnancy, my feet are firmly in the 11 camp because feet grow when you’re pregnant and never ever go back which is FINE if you’re only a size 6.
Now, if I want to find a shoe or boot that resembles something feminine my options are Payless (bless them) or online.
I went to several stores looking for a pair of winter boots two weeks ago, and not only did they not have the boot I wanted in my size, most didn’t carry my size at all. Navigating crowded stores with snotty salespeople, hot, sweaty, toddler in tow, yogurt and peanut butter encrusted winter jacket, was already a recipe for a meltdown (mine). Having to trudge to 10 stores over two days only to be to be turned away with silent mocking mixed occasionally with pity made me want to binge eat/drink/smoke/freebase. I live in one of Canada’s MAJOR cities. This should have been easier. Finally, I found a store that didn’t have my size in stock, but they could order it for me. I HATE commitment, sight unseen. I hate spending money (because I am intolerably cheap and always have buyers remorse). I hate not being able to try shoes on before I buy them. It’s stupid and dumb and I don’t wanna. But I did. The boots came, and like I had feared, they were not an amazing fit. But they’re warm, water proof, and comfortable enough. The best part…
I don’t have to go winter boot shopping for several more years.
Sadly, I have bras that need replacing. Do not get me started….
All the better to kick you in the overpriced trendy haircut, pisslips.
Does it make you feel any better that shopping for short women sucks too? ‘Cause it does. And I hate it. Solidarity, sister.
I bet it does. I knew a woman so petite she could only buy kids shoes, and it’s hard to feel womanly in sparkly Dora sandals.
Lets NEVER SHOP AGAIN !!!! YAYAY!
Perfect. I will never shop again. I feel so much better already.
Hee, I said “Solidarity, sister” too and I didn’t even know you had said it first.
You’re still a copycat.
Bra shopping is the worst,,HATE.HATE. HATE it!!!!! I only do it because my kid’s are embarrassed when I let the “girls” unleashed to relax around the house.
HA! The ladies need to stretch out sometimes. C’mon! Bras are torture. Make your kids wear them all day and see how they like it.
They do,,they are teenage girls,,so those damn things are perky allll the time!
I’m advocating corsets and metal rod (horizontal) implants from nipple to back ribs. Only then will it be a perfect world…
For men, right?
Oh yes, I thought that was a given.
You have my sympathies, darling. And, for the record, when I worked in shoes it was always the women with the little feet I hated.
Good luck with the bra thing. I’ve had to buy a new cup size every month since October, but you already know that story. I’ve had to buy new shirts, too. And I have all these really cute little strapless dresses that I will probably never again — wait, this isn’t my turn to whine.
Love and luck go with you.
Ah, the glorious freedom of small boobs.
I feel your pain, lovely Ruby. From pretty little pieces of tissue for bras to NASA developed salt dome super structures.
Big boobs don’t suit me, Sara. They just look wrong. Speaking of looking wrong, I just caught a glance of myself in the mirror after a day out and immediately thought of your “totally hot corpse” comment, and it made me laugh instead of cringing at myself. So thank you for that.
wuuuurk it, guuurl.
I’m caught in in-between land. I’m either 5’7″ or 5’8″ depending on who’s measuring me. Regular length pants are just a tad short; tall pants are too long and the crotch hangs low. Neither fit is appealing. So once I find a place that works for me, I stick to it. Which is why I do all my shopping from The Gap and Banana Republic online. Plus, I’m lazy and I can’t stand going to malls or shopping. One more reason I might as well just fuse myself to my laptop.
Same here. I read somewhere that women try on an average of 25 pairs of jeans before finding a single pair that fit. That makes me what to make a high pitched keening noise.
I’ll keen right along with you.
Which is why I wear no jeans….when my waist got significantly bigger than my inseam, I said ‘fuck it’ – hippie skirts, yoga & jammie pants all the way…
Haha. I’m about to go slip into my ‘jammie’ pants right now.
Already IN…
I did lose a ton of weight – but jeans still scare me…it’s the one thing that really let’s me know that I’ve got to not slip back into my old eating habits…
25!!!
Lord save me from the endless despair of ill-fitting denim.
Yeah, if you find something that works, marry it.
Old Navy works for clothes, but they’re not exactly fancy. Then there’s Addition-Elle here, that’s more professional, and more expensive. Butwhadayagunnado?
Online looks like the life for me. Should probably get a credit card, huh?
Yeah, a credit card might help…
I love Old Navy, too. Forgot to mention that one. And the best thing is, Old Navy, The Gap, and Banana Republic are sister companies, so I can do all my online shopping on one site. I’m all about simplicity.
If either of you have a Buffalo Exchange where you live (maybe not in Canada) – GO – it’s a thrift store…they started off in Tucson and here, at least, they have great stuff. It’s where I go to get my ‘good thrift clothes’ as opposed to my ‘thrift but probably started at Target’ clothes.
I’ve not heard of this place, but I’m suspicious of a clothing place that has ‘Buffalo’ in the title… ;)
http://www.buffaloexchange.com/index.php?pg=25&id=1
hee hee…I’m suspicious of anyone with bilirubin in their name :)
Touche!
tushie!
Imma google that….
Dang. The closest one to me is in NY city. Why you guys have all the good stores?
Come to TUCSON ~ it’s a tad bit warmer than Canada right now (or always).
See you tomorrow…
Gawd Damn, I’m chatty today.
yes – I live in a house – by the street with the cars. I’ll hunt down some curds and gravy. Do you require smoked meat too?
Nah. I can live without the drippy meat, but I require room temp tap water OR FORGET IT.
For drinking of bathing in? Drinking – we have hippie water in a nice bit o’crockery that dispenses it at room temperature. We figured you might come over 8 years ago when I bought it.
Bathing? I think we gotter done. Like people, other than me, say.
Girl I wish I had known that you were looking for boots! I wear your size and my boots have been neglected ever since we moved to a place where it is warm all through the winter. I wish I could have sent them to you. They’re used but they’re awesome, and we bigfeet need to stick together.
I’m a liottle sad that you don’t read my mind yet.
Oh, I am with you on this! I’m nearly 5’8″ and my feet used to a size 8. How am I having to buy a size 10?!! And bras! I haven’t had a bra fit me since I was a 32A a hundred years ago. I hate shopping for clothes; it is sooo depressing. That’s why I live in jeans and t-shirts, and I never go anywhere. … Love the graphic!
Ah! Maddie, you sound like me. I am in jeans and a t-shirt as we speak.
So glad to hear it. They’ve become a uniform for me, but I’m comfortable.
YES! the old J & T combo. I also live in them.
I wish I knew how to make bras and shoes, because I’m realizing I would be a skillionaire…
You know what I really like? How they now call models who wear size 12 plus size models. Really? Really??? A tiny 12? My feet didn’t increase length wise after babies, but I do have to wear everything in a wide now. That’s flattering. I’ll take a WIDE please.
I think they call anyone over a 6 plus sized now. At least in the modelling world of 0s, 2s, and 4s.
WIDE LOAD coming through….maybe we need signal cars following us around.
Start playing that “Big Butts” song while walking by people. At least Sir Mix-a-lot did value curvy women.
Baby Got Back gets pumped regularly out my (super bad ass) Honda Civic windows much to the mortification of my 8 year old step son.
I have been attempting to lose weight. So far I think I’ve lost the same five pounds – and gained it back. Probably in my butt. Or possibly thighs. That’s popular too.
Sir Mix-a-lot can’t help it. He likes butts and he cannot lie.
And no other brother can deny.
Man, that freaking sucks!! Growing up, my mom always said I had elephant feet even if I didn’t really see a problem. She kept getting madder at me as my feet kept growing because we “wouldn’t be able to share shoes” since she’s a 5-5.5 shoe size. I told her I didn’t want to wear her hooker heels anyway :P
I hate shopping for bras as well!
One thing that is annoying for me is shopping for pants. They HAVE to have some form of spandex or stretchy material or they WILL NOT fit. My hips are too wide for my frame – I actually like it but this means skirts or jeggings all the time. Ha!
Sharing shoes is the leading cause of toenail fungus related deaths. You got lucky there.
Phew. Dodged a fungus-infested bullet.
Do you get the Perfect in the Hips but crazy loose in the waist effect? Not even a belt can help a sister then.
YES, I DO!! Nope, not even a belt. Just stretchy pants.
SOLIDARITY, SISTER! I have always hated shopping for clothes. I would rather order a giant tent and just wear that, than try something on in a store. I take a size 9.5 or 10 in shoes, depending on the type and style of shoe. You’d think that it would be a simple thing to find this size in NYC, the biggest fucking city in North America. Nope. Personally, I love Zappos. I don’t care that I have to pay for them sight unseen, I’ll roll the dice on them to save me the agony of schlepping around. And don’t get me started on bra sizes. I have to go to special stores for them. So I order them from the Internet too so I don’t have to walk into “Freak Boobs R Us.”
Me too, Weebs! I love Zappos. So much so, that they made me a VIP member (translated, my shoe purchases have single handedly raised the GNP!).
I’ve heard of Zappos. So, worth while? I really got to get a credit card.
In the meantime, I’ll keep an eye out for a nice tent. Muumuu? Kaftan? All possibilities. Have you been to Changes for a bra? They seem to know what they’re doing. I’m a 40E and they had me covered…literally. They actually have staff who know how to measure you properly. Still, I hate shopping for them, and I hate spending 60-80$ for freakin’ underwear. The internet is an introvert’s best friend…
40E? I wish I were that small. But yeah, I’ve been fitted and it really is amazing to get a bra that fits properly. So now that I know what my actual size is, I just order online. The Internet has changed my life. So many anxiety attacks avoided. Zappos is wonderful and they have sizes 10 and up in stock all the time. Enjoy!
We’re boob-sisters (I used to be a 42 DD – yes, by age 11) …and I hated going to get bras. I finally got a breast reduction – and insurance PAID IT! I was heaven – I didn’t wear a bra from age 18-25…and then I started to age…
Oh god, Change is amazing. I live near Vancouver, so the Metrotown one is just a godsend. Up to J cups, wut wuuuttt. I have a skinny-girl-big-boobs problem (30 G), and Change just floats my boat. (funny I saw this, I was just there today)
They really are helpful, no? I hate the price tag (because I’m the cheapest person I know) but I love the fit. They have pretty things for every woman!!!!
To hell with you, Victoria’s Secret.
Zappos no ship to Canada.
They’re shitheads.
That sucks. On behalf of my people, I’m sorry. I’d offer to order them for you and then ship them to you, but that makes sense only if you know you really want the shoes. Sigh.
You, my Weebly friend, are wonderful. But it is too much hassle, and we all know that customs will probably do obscene things with those shoes under the guise of “inspection”.
I hate shopping just because it sucks. & yes my weight gain only adds more hate, but I am just too impatient to be looking around at clothes (shoes, I don’t mind as much–though I never actually purchase). If I like something I see and I want it bad, if I don’t like the price I put it back like I just threw it away. I am such a stickler. I probably belong in thrift shops if they had any decent ones around here.
Inevitably, the one thing I love in a store will be very expensive. Why didn’t I go into law school? Or CEO school? Or celebrity college? Then I could get what I want. Hell, then I could have everything tailor made by the finest clothes makers in the country. While we’re dreaming, I’d also like a pony.
Until then, thrift shops…and the time to look through them.
Thrift store pride….at least 80% of my wardrobe. Hate malls. I get the sneaking feeling they quietly evolve beyond my abilities when I avoid them.
What with the noise and those damn kids and their haircuts.
Did I not just say “I fucking hate shopping!” yesterday? I had to buy clothes for an interview — had to — which made shopping even more stressful. Then there are the dressing room lights — I’m traumatized from the whole experience still today. Besides, I hate clothes, the idea of them. I see nudist colony in my future.
NAKED FOREVER!
What marketing genius thought it was a good idea to find the most unflattering overhead lighting ever known to womankind and put them in fitting rooms? I mean, flattering lighting would sell more clothes, no?
Whatever. I’m taking my pants off.
I am shorty and busty with a small waist and rounder hips. SHOPPING SUCKS DONKEY DING DONG. I have not been able to wear a button-up shirt since junior high, and the last time I bought a pair of pants off the rack that I didn’t have to hem was…never. I’ve been forced to wear heels, or hem them.
*pounds chest with fist* I feel you sistah.
So, one must be between 5’6″ and 5’8″, with a-b cupped boobies, boy waisted, long necked, narrow shouldered, slender, and tiny footed.
I think that describes the trans boys of Thailand. Seems we were born the wrong sex and in the wrong country.
Fortunately, these days, they typically make pants long enough for me (34 inch inseam) but when I was in high school I was never able to find jeans that didn’t look like capris. But like Carrie, I have a long inseam, but a short body so tall pants hang down in the crotch (I think they call that a rise). Great post, Sara. Glad you at least found some boots for the winter.
Hey legs,
That’s quite an inseam you’ve got there…
May your pants always make your bum look great, and your rise never dangle.
That sounds like the dirtiest toast…
Tall with giant feet – that’s me too. Zappos is great – try em on and return them for a better size – they are incredibly fast. Beats looking for shoes in the men’s department because there is nothing in my size. Eddie Bauer tall jeans – found my size and order them online. Wish I could shop for a bra online.
So many men’s shoes have graced my pieds. No problem for runners or work boots, but try finding a kitten heel….
So true – mens shoes are sturdy, but not so cute.
Just found out Zappos does not deliver to Canada. A moment of silence please…
…sad…
What is it about the 38th parallel that makes it so hard for packages to cross?
I’m 5 ft even, if I stretch it, really stretch it. Need I say more? I buy petite pants to get the inseam, if I can find them in my woman size, and still have to hem them shorter. Plus I hate shopping with a passion.
First I was tall and skinny and nothing fit me. Then I was tall and fat and nothing fit me. My shoes are only a 10 but they’re S–which does not stand for shitty but should, it stands for slim, which is thinner than double narrow. A guy at the Naturalizer store said salesmen call me “the hundred dollar foot.” That was many years ago. Now it’s 175 and up. As for bras, I quit wearing them in the 70s when not even 32 nearly A fit. Now the fitter (a FITTER?) says I should wear a 44D if I want to look good in a dress. Hey, if T-shirts are good enough for my man, they’re good enough for me. If I could, I would fly right up there and commiserate with you now!
The 100 Dollar Foot Woman should be a sci-fi.
Thank goodness for flip flops and t-shirts. High heels and bras are tools of the devil. I am certain.
I know how you feel Sara. I am fortunate enough to have an average shoe size except that they are often sold out because it’s popular. But let me tell you about bra shopping..holy moly…I am an F cup and they don’t stock F cups to try on. So I am in your boat having to order and hope it fits or have to return it, and yeah…snotty sales people that are like (well why don’t you try this one…you might not need an F…and then of course when I’m bursting out of it…(did this once..never again) she’s like oh yeah…we’ll have to order that (freak!) I usually order online now. No hassle except sometimes I have to send it back, and the really pretty bra and panties never come in the big sizes (assholes) LOL
It’s hard to feel sexy when the contraption one is wearing looks more like a straight jacket than lacy underoos.
When I was nursing, I was an F, which was a total shock since I was always an A or B pre-preggers. I didn’t even know there were sizes beyond DD. Now I’m a D/E. It’s surreal. Though having cleavage for days can be kind of fun. Hello darling…
The snotty shoe girl (she was still a girl at maybe 20 or 22) told me to try on the floor model size 10 boot “just to see”, and it didn’t fit. Thanks for proving me right but bossing me into it, SHOE GIRL. I left in a huff. That’ll teach her.
Go to Change
The prettiest things
In the biggest sizes
Don’t hate me because I’m average-sized, both in body and foot. Oh and I love shopping. I guess there’s a connection there. Please let me come back here again anyway.
I feel your pain, I really do.
I’m five foot 9 (and a bit), with UK size 8 feet which I think is the equivalent of the US size 10. UK clothing size 12 (or sometimes 14), which I think is the equivalent of a US size 10 (or 12). I have the problem of being, almost literally, ALL LEG. It’s rediculous. I can’t buy dresses unless I get them from the petite section, otherwise I get a load of material bunched up around my rib-cage. I disappear when I sit down. (In chapel, I sit next to the shortest of the Sisters, but you don’t know that until we’ve stood up.) If the inside leg measurement of a pair of trousers/jeans is less than 33 inches, I have to let the hems down, and because I go in a lot at the waist, jeans have a tendency to work their way down my legs and I have to keep pulling them up. And because my waist is so awkward, the belt I wear with my habit basically rests on the bottom of my rib cage, making my back look shorter and my legs look longer (and plays merry hell with my breathing when we’re singing as well).
So yes, I feel your pain. Internet shopping is a saviour – order it in three sizes, try them all on, send at least two of it back.
And anyone saying about buying bras online? http://www.figleaves.com/ for those in the UK and http://www.figleaves.com/us/home/ for those in the USA. Don’t thank me, just enjoy finding nice under things that will fit without the embarrasment of changing rooms.
I feel your pain. I’m very short and wide and I have very short, wide feet with a really high arch, AKA: I’m very hard to fit. Like other commenters above, I also shop at Zappo’s as a VIP customer. You can enter your shoe size and only look at shoes that might fit, and they are terrific about returns. Glad you found some boots that will do, but maybe Zappo’s can help you out next time.
I’m a shortie and so is the Daughter, but her friend is 6’2″ or thereabouts and she has terrible trouble finding stylish clothes, and yes, shoes.
You said the magic word…stylish. I suppose an amazonic woman like her could find clothes to wear, but they will either be men’s shirts or shirts that expose the navel. Is it just me, or has sizing become less diverse?
I’m a fan of shorties, by the way. Many of my favourite people are little. Not little people, but little in comparison.
Yes, I think sizing has changed. Being a teen in the Twiggy era, we were all stick insects, so average sizing reflected that. I think sizing is actually a bit better now but one thing hasn’t changed – most stylish clothing is produced in the most lucrative range only.
I’m now a size 14 [not sure what that is in the US] and stylish is hard to find. The stuff out there is either very teeny bopper or very old lady. I know I’m 60 but I’m not quite ready for sensible shoes and twin sets. :D
Salutations from the 5′ 3″ brigade :D
I’m not ready either. Unless it was a really great twin set. Like with lightening bolts or something.
lmao – how about real diamond sequins? You could always sell it for a small fortune once you’re sick of it. :D
I, too, hate shopping – especially for shoes. Thank GOD for Doc Martin boots… I am a failure at being a ‘female’ in that sense…well, in most senses, I’m sure.
Shopping with children is even worse –
I do love the Tucson has some kickass thrift stores – so at least it’s slightly less depressing than going to the maul, er, mall…but imagine being one of those people that shops multiple times a week????
DOCS!!! Man, I lived in those things for years. Now, I lean toward cons, because they’re fairly androgynous and have some great styles. And I’m too old and tired to tie up 14 holes anymore…
The MAUL is genius. That’s what it does to my spirit, like an angry, stupid, lady-hating bear.
Mauls are wrong (and thank you for recognizing my genius)…and in the winter, too freakin’ hot…I think I end up going to the maul 3x per year…..blah….
I have to admit, I’ve gotten really lazy and wear the ugliest shoes ever – $10 ‘crocs’ – but they just get my feet to work, where I can take my shoes off and walk barefoot. But a wonderful person is sending me some 20 eye Doc BOOTS!
I have 7 eye Docs for my ‘day to day’ wear. I had a stylin’ pair of velvet green docs, and the knap (sp?) was red.
VELVET!!??
OMG I hope you slept next to them every night.
I loathed the crocs for soooo long. But now, all i want is easy comfort.
I let, ok MADE, everyone feel the texture.
I found that time I used to spend putting on clothes to go with my Doc Martins I now spend eradicating the extraneous hair on my person. That used up all my ‘give a shit’
WHERE DOES THE HAIR COME FROM? Eric and I have both reached our post-pubescent “hair where there wasn’t hair before” stages. I could barely shave my legs as it is. Now I have to be flexible. Actually, now I have to wear pants. Because life is to damn short.
I don’t know, but I had the cards stacked against me from the get go – Italian & dark hair….
Yeah, I definitely don’t care about razor stubble (well, jungle) in the winter. Or spring, fall and 1/3 of summer.
Shaving is for special occasions. Like weddings (mine) or the one time a year I wear a dress (also mine).
WHOO HOO! you gave me a great idea!!!!! THANK YOU
I shave when I’m inclined a couples a week ~
The Ringmistress,
And what about these very happy sales clerks eager to help you like at Brown’s for example?
Le Clown
I hope she grows an extra toe.
I hate shopping, too. That’s why I don’t go. Ever. I do ALL my shopping online. Even shoes, and I have a regular shoe size. I only wear flats, even though I’m only 5’4″. I only wear kurti tops (tunics) and jeans or cargo pants, and sometimes long dresses. I order them all online and have everything either ordered to the correct length or have it altered at the tailor here because I’m short. It’s far better than shopping because I can’t find the type of clothes I wear in stores. So hooray for online shopping! I even bought my Ugg boots online and it is cold here in San Antonio today (32F) so I will wear them out today.
Online seems to be the place to be. There’s supposed to be some really great big girl clothes out there too, which is something not easy to find in brick and mortar stores.
I think I also have to bite the bullet and just get things altered sometimes. I’m sooooo lazy, though. And cheap. Did I mention cheap? And lazy. Lazeap. Cheapzy.
Enjoy the UGGs. I hear they’re a foot’s dream.
p.s. Damn you, San Antonio and you’re not freezing weather.
OK I need to comment. Everything you wrote had nothing to do with you and everything to do with others but yet as women we take it all so personally!
1 – Snotty sales people, I’m a size 2 and they are everywhere. Sorry but I think it speaks more about our society regarding people going to work, getting paid but yet they think if their day isn’t going well they have a right (entitlement) to take it out on you.
2 – Finding what you what in your size – Again as a size 2 I have the exact same problem. I think this is a refection of our society of not understanding the consumer and real life. AND given our economic times stores do not want a huge inventory, they get very limited sizes in.
3 – Boots – Everyone has trouble buying boots and shoes…period end of subject…
4 – If you do not like to spend money more then want to buy then you are successful in your shopping! So with that said, an unsuccessful shopping event should make you very happy!
Well, that’s an interesting perspective.
1) Yes, I agree. However, I would stipulate that different people get treated differently. I know from experience, and the fat, bedraggled, woman with a kid doesn’t get the same service as a slender, well dressed young woman. Not categorically, but generally. I feel I get more attitude than I ever used to. Maybe I’m just getting old and cantankerous. I’m one rocking chair away from shaking my fist at all those damn kids!
2) You’re on to something.
3) Really? I just assumed everyone’s shoe shopping was fun and magical. Or at least not as dreadful.
4) Better to err on the side of caution. Agreed.
Another big foot checking in. Size 11s. My brother says I should be grateful that drag queens are so fashionable or I’d never find a nice pair of heels. He is a dick. Dickishness runs in my family.
Another vote for Zappos. :)
Thanks bro.
I would venture to guess that dickery skipped you because you are fair and good and boasteth the loveliest 11 in the kingdom.
Where do drag queens shop? Are there special stores? Drags r Us?
Seems I’ll be heading to Zappos someday soon.
I’m crying. Zappos no longer ships to Canada. Must be because we’re so far away. All the stores hate me.
Hilarious/sad.
I’m a very short girl and I can never find jeans that just fit without getting them hemmed, which I usually just hold on to and never do, or mean to return them online and never do. Short with anxiety/procrastination is not a good combination.
That’s what I’m afraid of! I have pants that need hemming, and have for….let’s see…6 months? Never been worn. Then I feel guilty. Then I never want to shop again.
It’s like we’re the tall side/short side of the same coin, whatever that means.
Half of my bottom drawer is just clothes I need altered. One of these days, I’m gonna go to the tailor.
I suppose clown shoes wouldn’t suffice?
The man has no sense of Clown style.
Of course not. He calls himself a clown, yet dresses like a mime. He’s so confused.
I maintain that drunk monkeys design women’s clothes and shoes.
I think I’d rather be a drunk monkey.
And then you get paid to be drunk and naked all day!
Where do we apply?
…GOP headquarters?
I’m Canadian. I think they’re suspicious of foreigners. I don’t even know where my long form birth certificate is.
We’ll just fling poo at them, no worries.
shopping sucks.. period.
agreed. exclamation mark.
My niece is tall and a little large, so I know she has a lot of the same problems. I’m short, but heavier than I’d like, so I’ve got a couple of your problems. I just found One Hanes Place online to buy bras. They have my favorite brand/style in my rather well-endowed size, and in more colors. They’re also relatively cheap.
Sounds like the holy grail of online shopping. Choice + fit + price = huzzah!
I’m googling them now.
OMG! The prices are so good!! SO many underthings!
DAMMIT. They don’t ship to Canada because they hate me.
Bastards! I thought everyone shipped to Canada. Your money is just as good as any stupid American’s.
This post is totally speaking to me! I have size 11 feet too. I am very tall (pants legs come half way up my shin. 3/4 pants are not ok in winter). I am also larger. I’m in the biggest size in the regular clothing stores but the smallest size in the plus-size stores is too big. I find it impossible to find clothes that fit properly. I’m seriously contemplating learning to sew.
My feet are pretty much size average, an 8. The thing with having average sized feet is that once you actually do find something you like, that is comfortable, and it fits is that it also fits half the women in the city and has been sold out.
If I could only live in slippers and running shoes I’d be just fine.
There’s that, too. Let’s invent a store that always has all the sizes in all the styles and really friendly sales people. I’m thinking this is what heaven must be like.
Ringmistress,
i feel like I’m walking into the women’s bathroom commenting here but since Le Clown is here too I guess I’ll go ahead. I would agree with Sandee (of course I would); nudist colony. That would mean you guys would have to move someplace habitable like, say, anywhere warm. In fact, if you lived in a warm place near a beach you would never have to buy boots again. Or bras. All you need is flip-flops and towels. Done. Now I have to get out of here…
Red
Hawaii it is. You bring the Mai Tais, I’ll bring the flip flops. See you soooooon…
OK, but it’s a one-way ticket. No looking back…
As a tall boy, I feel your pain sister.
Great post!
Wow, you write really well for a large beer.
I’m so late to this party but anyway, I agree with you. I HATE shopping. Why do “they” have such horrible unflattering lighting in dressing rooms??!! I think it’s a conspiracy to make women feel inadequate so we’ll keep buying in the hopes we’ll find the perfect thing. It’s maddening and the sizes change from one brand to another. I’m lucky in the shoe department I guess; 6-1/2 or 7, but I’m short, 5′ 3″ and I’m always amazed at how long pants are. If one section of something fits, the other part doesn’t. Usually I find that what I have in my closet is good and that’s why when I do shop, it’s because I have to. I can’t even talk about bras. I hate shopping.
Glad you found some boots, Sara. It’s not you though, it’s the fashion industry. Argh!!!
THE WORST LIGHTING. If I felt good in a fitting room, I’d buy more. I’d spend all day admiring myself in new clothes. I guess some people do medicate bad feelings with more shopping. I just get depressed and go home and blog about it. They’re really missing out on a whole demographic here.
Maybe we should just start making all our own clothes again. And only buy shoes from cobblers. And we shall sing at work, and dance in the schools and every child will have a full belly and a warm bed…(while we’re at it, might as well wish for world peace).
Shopping broke me while trying to find a flattering bathing suit, which turned into finding an acceptable bathing suit, which turned into crying, which turned into FORTY FUCKING BATHING SUITS LAYING ON THE FLOOR with me throwing myself on top of the pile. As if I needed more incentive to become a hermit.
Oh dear jesus…I haven’t bought a bathing suit since 80 pounds ago.
I see surfer shorts and a tank top in my future.
Funny thing is, I still fit into my pre-pregnancy string bikini…because it’s super adjustable. I wear it to my parent’s pool, and nowhere else.
HAWT.
More fashion for splashin’.
That makes sense in my head.
Too late for foot binding I suppose?
A tad. Though I hear that toe guillotines are making a comeback.
I love the way you continue to keep your sense of humor, even when you’re pissed off. I am 5 foot 11 inches tall so I know what you mean about trying to find things that fit. Shoes aren’t a problem though, because I wear 8.5-9. I’m glad you found something, even if it isn’t exactly what you were hoping for. :-) xo
Hey tall lady!! YEAH! I finally went to Globo. You got one out your way?
I don’t think so…it’s a shoe store?
Yeah. Like a high end payless. Brand names, like Kamik, which is what I bought. And they ship really fast if they don’t have your size.
Sounds good. :-)
That’s awful. Being on either extreme sucks. Both my grandma and aunt are tiny (as in 4′ tiny) so for them, finding women’s clothes and shoes is stupid difficult. Everything in their size is pink or purple and has rainbows and unicorns. Even my daughter has trouble finding clothes here in Canada because she’s very petite.
Sorry, you had to go through all that.
That is TINY!
I once watched a documentary about a Korean woman, who now lives in Canada, always had to use a step stool in her kitchen because the counters were all built for Western women. It’s all a matter of context?
If only your relatives were hipsters, then they could pretend they were being ironic.
hahahahaha grandma the hipster!
Yeah, I guess. All my family on my mother’s side is diminutive. On my father’s side (the German side) they are all big
Thanks for the laughs. My mother always says she was “this close” to being a barefoot bride, wearing a size 12 back in the fifties. She squeezed into something and then took the shoes off as soon as she could. I’m tall too (5’10″) and it seems to me people are even taller now, so why is it still so hard to find sleeves that are long enough??
Sleeves! Yes. Maybe long gloves need to come back into fashion. Of course, gloves don’t really fit women with long fingers, giving us the webbed look.
Muumuus for everyone!!
Fellow size 10/11 over here. It’s pretty ridiculous. And I so hear you on the empire waists becoming nipple straps. What is up with that?
The empire waists are mocking us. Or feeling us up.
You don’t have to be tall for empire waists to be nipple straps. Those with huge tracts of land also end up in that camp, even though a true empire waist would be one of the most flattering possible cuts.
I get the worst of both: I’m tall and I have big boobs. Empire waists (or built-in bra shelves, for that matter) allllways hit me in the wrong spots.
The bra shelves. When I was 20 and the girls were much daintier, I loved them. Now, they’re just irritating. Never stay put.
I forgot about that. It’s true. Let’s pool our money and hire a tailor to make all our clothes, k? Ok.
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Love the post. Yes, being tall, having big feet, and wearing any size bigger than twelve can really suck sometimes. Just to save you the stress – don’t go glove shopping. Apparently it’s the same as shoes; if you have big feet, you probably have big hands, and like me, just head to the mens’ department and save stress (and not find pretty-anythings). ;)
I’m from Canada too; do you have Long Tall Sally nearby (used to be Tall Girl) for clothes and shoes? I’ve also had success with SAS shoes – they don’t make boots, but the sizes are such that you’ll probably walk out with a size that fits great with a smaller number (Yep, I’m size 12 shoes … nothing fits, the salespeople look at you like you’re crazy for even asking for anything bigger than a 10, and I’m not into the drag-queen shoes that Payless usually stocks in 12 or bigger).
Good luck out there!
That’s really helpful, thank you! There’s not a single LTS in Quebec, so it seems, but there is one near my hometown, so a trip is in order. Found 2 SAS near me in Montreal. This changes everything. I don’t mind the drag queen shoes, since I have great respect for drag queens, but I can’t pull them off with mom jeans and wool socks.
Glad it was helpful. Hey, I like drag queens too, but those shoes make my feet hurt just looking at them (yep, I’m a wimp, but acceptance is the first step). Have a good one, and hope shopping isn’t quite as unpleasant next time.
Mad props to those Queens. I couldn’t handle those shoes either.
You would think that since most models are amazons with large feet (the taller the person usually means the longer the foot, right?), that there would be a big market for large shoes. Especially since the rest of the fashion industry seems to be catering to the anorexic amazon size women.
I’m surprised you have trouble finding stuff fit you, since you are tall. I’m 5’2″ and a big gal. Plus size clothes are NOT made for short people. Designers apparently assume that if you are big around, that must mean your legs are five feet long. Skirts always drag on the ground and capris actually fit me like regular pants. I do a happy dance on the rare occasion I find a store carries plus size petite clothes that are cheap. Lane Bryant has some, but they are usually waaaaay outside my budget range.
Good luck finding stuff that fits you better!
So far, of all the comments, only one woman has said, “Yup, clothes fit me no problem”. That’s 1 out of 44 or so. Or, less than 2.5%. How is it there’s an industry based on 2.5%?
It’s true that it’s hard tofind proper fitting clothes on a budget, unless one is handy with a sewing machine. Since I can barely tie my laces most days, a Singer is a little out of my league.
I shall remain ever vigilant for awesome clothes and painless shopping (a girl can dream). Thanks, hollybernabe
Mr. Chickadee is very tall and skinny – best options for shopping -> outlet stores. Weird sizes abound at outlet stores. Other than that, yeah, order online, which only works if you know the exact maker, model, and size.
I have a short rise and long torso, which is tough to fit – on top of huge boobs, let’s not forget. Even at larger proportions, I’m too much of an hourglass-ish shape for anything that fits hips/butt to fit at the waist. And I have the weird leg length that’s directly in between “average” and “tall” so it’s either high waters (gag me) or very long cuffs (not so bad, especially with a chunky heel…)
-rant warning- I would KILL for jeans manufacturers to stop cheaping out and start adding two more belt loops above the butt pockets so that the belt loops would actually hold up my jeans without doing that horrible thing when I bend over and the belt stays put but the jeans don’t and I get ugly flesh gap and then have to constantly tug at the back of my waist with an OCD-like checking habit to make sure my pants are actually staying up, even though I’m wearing a freaking belt. And that’s with a “curvy” cut jeans. -end rant-
THE BELT LOOPS. Yes. I love jeans, live in them, but get a little tired of the constant adjustment.
Rant here anytime, lady. Mi bloga es sou bloga. Or however that goes.
And oh yeah, SPECIALTY BRA STORES!
They changed my life. Mostly because I’m a 32HH, and neither of those dimensions is adequately served by your average undergarment manufacturer.
Specialty bra stores also know how to fit a bra FOR REAL. Department store saleswomen only have a crappy few sizes, so they will put you in a size you can tolerate even if your body doesn’t fit into their crappy few sizes, and tell you that it’s the “right” size. Specialty store people actually have a full range of sizes and can definitely fit you, so you’re going to get the RIGHT size. Be prepared to pay for it, but it’s worth every frickin’ penny.
It really does make a diiference. When I walked into a bra shop (while I was still nursing, therefore sporting mama boobs) I thought I needed a 36C. She fit me with a 40F. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather.
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I have wide hips and chicken legs. So when I buy “skinny jeans”, the size that fits my waist is all baggy in the legs. So. Sexy. A good friend of mine is so petite she wears a kid’s size 3 in shoes. She special orders heels from some online store called Cinderella of Boston, and those things can get pricey. I hate when I watch “What Not To Wear” and they suggest getting EVERYTHING tailored so it fits perfectly. Do those assholes know how much that would cost the average person?!?
Everyone can give great advice if they don’t have to do it themselves.
I could buy a tent and have it tailored to fit. But who’s got the time/money?
Skinny jeans should be banned. They only look great on 1% of the population, and then they set the rest of us up for tragedy.
God, you’re right. I really only buy them because they look better tucked into jeans. But a flowy top is a necessity with those things.
I feel your pain. I hate shopping. Mostly for the same reasons you do. I’m tall, I have big feet, and have gained enough weight to warrant “Omar the Tent Maker” be my seamstress. The over the top thing is when you mention bra shopping. It is bad enough having a boob and a boobette™ but when you gain weight the boob gains twice as much as the boobette™ and you are stuck with an even bigger dilema.
Life thinks it’s funny. But sometimes, life is a jerk. Wouldn’t it be great if they developed bras with individually adjustable cups? Or better yet, we stopped holding everyone to ridiculous standards?
It’s funny when you wrote “boobette” the image of a third boob came to mind. That would make things tough. Interesting, but tough.
Heheheh…that is the last thing I would need. A third boob. It would make for some good stories though. Here is the background on the boobette™. http://silkpurseproductions.wordpress.com/2012/09/06/my-boob-pocket/
I came, I read, I commented. Boobette!!
Thanks Sara, I appreciate it.
Being short and fat, I often have problems when clothes-shopping, too. I hate shopping for that reason. It’s rare to find something that fits me, let alone looks decent.
As a short person: 1) Capris oftentimes fit like normal pants. Or if they don’t, they look like hideous highwaters. And normal pants are too long, obviously. 2) Tunics aren’t long enough to be dresses, but they are too long to look all right on you. 3) You can either wear heels and be uncomfortable all the time or wear flatter shoes, being more comfortable but also being way below everyone’s level.
As a fat short person: 1) The “petite” and “short” lengths of pants are still too long because you’ve got to get such a large size. The only jeans I’ve found that fit all right are Old Navy’s, but they’re cheap/get worn out or tear up easily. 2) You can’t wear button-up shirts, and in general your boobs are too big for a lot of shirts. (Okay, maybe the second one is just a fat person thing.)
I’ve also got wide feet that are slightly misshapen. A lot of shoes are too narrow for me, and I can’t wear open-toed shoes without my feet looking funky. I guess that at least narrows down my choices, lol.
I guess this is all just to say I commiserate.
Oh, if you’re tall, do you see the tops of everyone’s heads? Once, someone told me that happened. As for me, I always have to look up at everyone.
Man, that does not sounds easy. Old Navy has good prices on jeans, but you do get what you pay for.
I do see a lot of scalps….I’m not soooo tall that I tower over everybody, but I have to bend down to use my counter top.
If only we were all wealthy….
Agh! Someone else shares my pain! I’m a U.K size 8 (U.S size 10.5 the converter says) which is alright really. The problem is when I want to buy a pair of heels, that’s where I go up a size. I’ve been contemplating taking the tips off my toes but unfortunately my friends say I need them…
Yeah, toes are somewhat essential, at least for sandals. Did I just offend all toeless people everywhere?
Well, at least they can fit into shoes…
I know I’m kinda late in the game with this post but I hate, despise and loathe shopping as well…blegh…
Glad to know I’m not the only female who hates shopping. I thought I was a female anomaly.
We are legion…
Coffee is so much more interesting.