It’s Three Days Until Christmas and I’m not Mental Yet
I am grateful. This time last year I was all kinds of crazy. Not the cute crazy that actually means frazzled-but-functional and Oh-Em-Gee I’m, like, SUPER BUSY crazy…
I mean time for an intervention. Crisis. So deep into the muck I might never get out of bed ever again so you might as well take the kids and leave me forever crazy. Rage crazy. Hiding crazy. Cannot physically or mentally function like most people crazy. It was bad.
But this year is not like that. In one year, I have worked my butt off for change. For my husband, for my kids, for my friends, and FOR ME. I had help and support from every direction. It nearly killed me, and my marriage. But we are here and so is Christmas and that is some kind of amazing.
I’m frazzled. I’m anxious. I’m stressed. My house is a disaster. But I am OK.
My love and support to anyone and everyone who is not OK right now. I know some of my friends are suffering. I am not certain about others. I know many of you just want it to be January already. Whatever I have, is yours, if you need it. No questions, no judgement. It’s a difficult time of year for many. The holidays (and any day with expectations, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) can be triggering for people like me, carrying around the added bonus of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder…or really any mental health issue. People who are fine most of the year can get overwhelmed. Perfectly healthy people can get sucked under.
This too, shall pass. All will be well.
Platitudes, perhaps, but relevant ones. Ones that keep me grounded.
So, I wish you all a holiday filled with love (for self and others, and from others), peace (mental, physical, emotional), endurance (one foot in front of the other, and don’t look up if you don’t want to…you’ll get there), and happiness (small and large).
Yours in calm,
Sara
May you find a happy place.
Make your own Zen Santa cards and posters here (courtesy of Adbusters)
Here’s to more calm! Happy holidays Sara! Peace and love to you…
And to you, wonderful Sandee.
Sara,
Happy holidays to you as well. So glad you fought back and through, you and Eric have contributed significantly to my own journey, believe it or not, and I am grateful you are her, or there, wherever. Thanks for fighting and thanks for writing.
Blessings,
Kina
Yeah! I’m glad my crazy ass and mental meanderings have done some good. We are grateful too. For us and you.
Sara,
I never gave up on hope on our couple.. A year ago, I didn’t know what would become of us as a unit. We’ve fought the good fight, together, and I’m proud of all the work you’ve achieved on your own, for yourself, for me and for our family. I love you.
Eric
We are one hellova team, we are. xo
I’m SO glad you’re in a better place this year than last year. Me too. It’s a big relief, isn’t it?
It has helped a lot to take a laissez-faire attitude towards holidays. I refused to be guilted into doing stuff that I don’t want to or that is too overstimulating or stressful for me. Which basically means most of the family parts of these holidays, due to circumstance. But there’s no reason that I should feel bad for doing what I need to in order to be as healthy as I can. And neither should you.
I like you a lot. I just want you to know that. :)
I ALSO AM RATHER FOND OF YOU. I know, like, ALL CAPS fond.
Learning to stay cool during the holidays….oooohhhmmm….
You are one of the strongest women I know, and I am beyond privileged to count you as one of my friends. I’m so happy you made it, and I will take your words to heart myself.
If only my outtards matched my innards, then I’d be friggin’ iron woman.
So happy to know you. xo
I understand how you feel Sara,,,I was in the same place as you last year. I too am doing so much better,,,,and actually just the other day my daughter jokingly said “wow,,,I wish you were more like last year when you just kind of sat there and did nothing”,,because this year I am driving them crazy wanting to watch every xmas special or sing along with all the xmas songs.
I wish you, Le Clown and the kids a very Merry Christmas!
I’m also singing, off key, out loud, much the the chagrin of my 8 year old step-son.
Well, it might not exactly be win-win, but it’s better than lose-lose. Keep on singing, mama.
I am in awe of your courage and passion for life. Happy Holidays to you!
And you, Cuba Comrade.
For your example, your courage and your strength through the dark unknown, thank you. Happy holidays to yu and the Le Clown family…and many many more!
Thank you, P. Our circus sends love to you and yours as well.
Just reading these words brings calm.
So glad you are in a good place Sara.
Happy holidays to you and the family.
Now let’s bring on January!
Red
Only 9 more days… and hey, the days are getting longer now (or very soon). That’s something. Bring on the sunshine. Happy holidays, Red.
Here’s to much happier and more peaceful times ahead, lady.
Why? You coming to visit?
xo
I think Madame Weebles and I should board trains and meet in the middle of the USA, then rent a car and drive to the Northlands to see you.
YES PLEASE.
Well said lovely! Have an amazing Christmas with your family!! :)
Thank YOU! Same to you, artist-yogi.
You could never make anything sound like a platitude. Here’s to a calm, low-key holiday season.
I hope you make it through your first Christmas without your tonsils. Courage…
xo
Merry–and hopefully restful–Christmas to you, too!
There will be naps and chocolate…
And books about modern day plagues. Very restful.
Karma is paying me back for writing that book. At my son’s school holiday production yesterday, I sat next to an older couple who were both coughing up a lung. Nice and juicy coughs. Hope tuberculosis isn’t coming my way…
Peace and love to you, Sara! I admire you for many reasons, but it is your heartfelt honesty and tender humour that is so touching.
Best wishes only, to you, your beautiful children and that Le Clown character.
XO
Honesty and funny work well around these parts. Le Clown keeps me in both.
Thank you D&S. Much love to you and yours as well.
I am very glad this is a better year for you. Whatever gets you there is great. My hope is the coming year brings you more peace, joy, rest and stability.
You have helped so many with your honest and heartfelt writings.
Up up up and away….
For the first time in a long while, I am excited for the year ahead. Thank you, DS. Peace and joy to you . xo
Here’s to many more happy, calm, loving years to you and yours!
And I wish you ditto. I know, super thoughtful. xo
I understand the depression and anxiety so well. I’m glad you are feeling better. It’s a fight, but it’s worth it.
Alice
I know you get it. How you holding up, A?
Been having a really hard time lately, but I’m getting better. Just survived the first in-law visit. Do you have family coming?
We are going to family, but I like it, we’re close and share a symbiotic dysfunction. We’re having some New Year’s company, and I’m a bit panicked about the state of my hovel…I mean…house. But over all, doing pretty good. Only one temper tantrum (mine).
Luckily we are going to other houses. Mine is a wreck, and we haven’t had kids open gifts yet. That’s not good. My in-laws are not too bad – just a lot of people in one place that tend to make me want to go hide in a closet. And they’re divorced, so we get two in-law Christmases, then my lovingly dysfunctional family.
So far just one panic attack. Woot.
Peace and love to you and yours, Sara and a glorious New Year.
P.S. (love the zen Santa) ;)
Zen Santa is great, no? Part of an Adbusters campaign for Buy Nothing Christmas.
Much love to you, B. xo
Hi Sara,
When one person works hard like you have on your health and healing, it makes huge ripples and affects so many people. It’s amazing. Your recovery and dedication to your path affects me and my family. This post gives me hope, leads me from despair, makes me feel like I can stay on my path of dedication to my own health, inspires me to be better in my relationship with Werner, and on and on. I am very sincere when I say thank you for staying with yourself and plowing through the darkness, and to your husband also, whom I am quite fond of as well for staying with you through the darkness…. and to the two of you for being the stellar people that you are.
You are a light in the world.
xo Chris
8:07 am might be a new record for me to start crying. Must be something in my eye. Both of them.
I don’t have words, Chris.
Except that I seem to be in good company. You’re a strong and kind woman. In my gut I feel like you’ll persevere, because you have the intestinal fortitude for it. And the courage.
My love to you, your family. My family has the privilege of following you on your journey.
Sara, I am so proud of you. You could have lost everything to despair, but instead you gave yourself and everyone around you the best gift in the world. That is something to celebrate this Christmas; forget all the other busy, whizzy, crazy that comes with the holiday. Wishing you much love, and calm. Always calm.
Lemme tell ya, it didn’t feel like a gift for a long time. You sound a lot like my therapist (that’s a compliment).
There is a lot to celebrate. I’ll be thinking of you beaucoup, ladypants.
I hope the same for you…calm…peace…xo
Be well Sara and congratulations to you for finding yourself and your strength.
Thank you, ES. It’s a long, unending trip. I wish you well, as we….um….too.
The one year marks are good ones ot have. Mine was in August, but it was a “really? That was a year ago?” moment.
Time is a bizarre and malleable companion. I hear you, C man.
You have come through the other side! There is light. There is calm. There is change. There is difference. And there is you. Glad to have met you. I hope you have a restful holiday.
I am so happy to have met you, too, iRiB. You’re downright poetic.
Beautiful sentiment Sara. I wish the same for you and your family as well. May 2013 bring you MANY joys. :-) xo
I duplicate and reciprocate the sentiments…xo w.
I wish you and your family a peaceful, joyful holiday. Beautiful sentiment. You’re so eloquent. I’m glad to hear you’re in a happier place. It’s amazing what a year can bring. I wish you well. And, don’t worry about your house. People can just deal.
Well, the house got cleaned, and the guest was very gracious. You’re right that I could’ve had a pile of dishes and kids toys everywhere and it would’ve been just fine.
It was a lovely holiday, and I hope this year is an outstanding one for you too. xo
Oh, good! Did you guys have fun? It looked like you did. It’s so hard with a little one to have a clean house anytime of year, and then pile on Christmas..It’s a lot to expect of yourself. I’m glad to hear everything worked out well! Happy New Year, Sara. Thanks. xoxo
Keep the strength,let it carry you over to 2013. Best wishes for everything to come.
xxx
Thank you, Lyxia! Same to you.
Thumbs up on this post– love the Santa. Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year! May the goodness continue!
So far so good…a great start to a great year. Much love to you, UBS
I’m glad you’re better this year :) I think this post is a wonderful reminder to everyone who’s experiencing a little crazy to know it’s ok and there are ppl out there to support them. Thank you.
SO many good people out there. What’s a little crazy between friends?
A little crazy is what bonds my friends together actually…
YAY and stuff.
I agree, etc.
Hey Sara, hope you’re still OK. And that you, Le Clown, The Whispering Petunia and Tiny Geek are able to have a fun but chilled festive period.
Much love, and prayers too. Xxx
So far, so excellent!
I made it through rather smoothly.
Hope your New Year is off to a good start. xo
So far so good! Although I had quite a freaky dream on NYE that I keep on thinking about – but I’ll forget it eventually!
Glad you made it through.
This year marks a milestone for me as well. Some family drama ruined the holidays for me a few years back and I haven’t celebrated at all since …until this year. It was nice to actually enjoy this year. I am so glad you are well Sara. :)
Wonderful news…
Happy to hear you’ve reclaimed the holidays. I’m feeling great, and am happy you are too. xo
Well of course it is! LOL