It’s Been One of Those [insert time frame] and Our Friends Kept Us Alive
I haven’t died/run away/gone blind.
I’m just tired, and unmotivated, and trying to fight of The Big Dark while the real dark of winter creeps in. I’m not alone, so it seems. Lots of my fellow bloggers are struggling in one way or another, fighting the good fight, blogging the good blog. Jen and Tonic is considerably more eloquent about it. Amy West is attacking people in her sleep. Not even The Muppets can chase away Rollergiraffe’s ennui. I watch my friends Ruby, Human in Recovery, and Creative Liar just trying to get through the day, with varying degrees of success. There’s many of us.
My husband, Le Clown, is by my side as we prop each other up while our family faces hurdle after hurdle. Between my nervous breakdown, Le Clown’s sociopathic bosses (current company excluded), an ongoing custody battle, and a toddler that laughs in the face of sleep, I think all of look forward to the day where we can just do more than just survive.
In the same breath, I can see how incredibly GOOD our life is. We have an abundance of love at home. Our blogging friends, many of whom we have never met face to face, prove time and time again to be supportive, loving, generous, and kind. The very best of humanity. The people we deal with at Company A or Institution X have been patient, sympathetic, and helpful. The various health professionals we see help us enormously. And somehow, every time we think “that’s it, game over”, something or someone comes along and helps get us through. In-the-flesh friends and family have been an unending source of support as well, keeping our collective heads above water.
Extra special thanks to my mom, my step-dad, my bio-dad, Weebs, Betty, and JB for your love and friendship. They’ve all been caught in their own private shitstorms, and yet have been able to extend their hands. Such. Good. People.
Since I’m cantankerous by nature, it’s only right that I end the post on this note. Maybe you’ve been there.
Life Wears a Size 96 Boot.
Yesterday I was at work and had to fight through bouts of sporadic weeping. So yeah, this hits home. We really are fortunate to have the ones by our sides that don’t leave and keep supporting us no matter how hard life’s dirty foot attempts to crush us.
Crying in public is loads of fun, no?
I’m glad you have good people in your life (though hardly a surprise, because YOU are good people).
We share genes if you, too, are cantankerous by nature. Much love!
* grumble grumble dirty looks snarl*
Sara,
What good company I keep. Thank you for this. Perhaps size 96 is a tad tiny? :D (((Huggles)))
Blessings,
Kina
I may have understated so I could get the foot into the picture. Artistic license and all.
hugs back, lady
Ha!
Monty Python comes to mind…..
“always look at the brighter (or is it lighter?) side of life”
I’m happy to hear things are gonig good (or as good as they can) for you guys. It’s great to see all of you come out and talk about this sort of stuff. I know it would have been a great help to me, back int the day. Keep on, keeping on. You (and the lot) are in my thoughts.
I believe that song continues to say “life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it”. MP were always a light hearted bunch.
May your life be free of sideswipes and roadside poo. My lot and I are grateful.
Ça me fait plaisir, mon amie.
You are resplendent.
Life does throw you some whammies. I have certainly had my share. I have been so uninspired of late… I want to write but the words just won’t come. That makes me sad. Hang in there Sara… I have some stick pins that might get that big life foot off of you… at least temporarily. LOL
Writer’s …well…I guess it’s a block of sorts…
You could write about how you can’t write. AT least you’ll be writing.
Hanging in, armed with sharp objects. You too, Dani.
:)
I like to think it is the weather and dark days, this time of year, that brings on the weeping. But perhaps it is more than “just” this. And we continue on.
Stay strong with your lovely friendships and support. It sounds like you are well-loved.
The time of year doesn’t help. Unless you migrate, or hibernate, both of which appeal to me sometimes. But there is more for us sensitive folk. I am well loved, and I imagine you have the same. Because you’re smart and funny and neato.
You know I get it, and love you for it all. My hope is that we can all learn to ride the big waves that come our way instead of getting swept over by them.
Did you just suggest moving to Hawaii and learning to surf? Because I’m in. See you there, my dear, wonderful friend.
LET”S SURF. Actually, surfing looks hard. Let’s just have a mai tai on the beach instead.
I feel the need to physically hug a lot of y’all right now. It would be equally beneficial for me. It’s hard to life a size 96 boot, but if you have some help…
Maybe we should arrange some sort of blogger’s reunion, get some huggin’ in, and then have one hell of a party. Can I leave that with you? Thanks, you’re a doll. I can’t wait to collect on your hug.
We need to get our non-sleeping girls together. They can keep each other while we all get some rest. Hugs.
I now understand the logic of people having kids close together. They entertain each other while the parents try to find their lost marbles. Hugs in return.xo
Here’s hoping that that big stinky foot of life gets off your head soon. Doesn’t he have some fungus somewhere to deal with instead?
Take care.
There ought to be a podiatrist superhero. That would help. You’re my favourite hatted person after my husband. Thanks, Carrie
:)
Just stumbled across your blog and after reading this post, felt the need and say “hello!”… So, Hello!
I have only been a part of this particular blogging family for a few weeks now, but I can do no else but agree with you that they are indeed the very best of humanity.
Are those drawings yours by the way? They’re really cool…
HOWDY!
I’ve seen your name floating around, and I’m pleased as punch (never understood that expression) that you did mosey on over (apparently, I’m from the American South today).
SO many good folks. You shall be overwhelmed by the muchness and goodness of them.
The drawings are mine. I usually draw by hand, with more precision, but since I don’t have a scanner, I use a free online paint program to hammer out these gems. It might not be art, but I get a kick out of it. Glad you do to. Cheers, Daan.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you… but really, I just admire the strength that you and your family possess! You’re all my newest heroes and heroines :) Thank you for blogging!!
SO happy to have met you too, Jenni. Always wonderful to have more tremendous people around.
It’s nice to be reminded that we’re strong, because we are. Tired, but strong. Gotta work on my cardio, I guess.
Cardio definitely strengthens the heart ;) I look forward to reading more of your blogs, and if you ever want to chat jenniburkeyoga@gmail.com!
You are a generous spirit. Thank you.
I think we are all going though this in some form or another….just a big hole that we just can’t seem to crawl out of!! My thoughts are with you guys and don’t ever worry about having to entertain us when life is knocking….take care of what you need to take care of. We love you guys and will always be here patiently waiting when you return. We’re not going anywhere! :) *hugs*
Dockfam! That’s encouraging. I think many bloggers start to feel guilty when large amounts of time lapse between posts, and I am no exception.
Thanks for saying that.
I’m feeling that way now…I’ve had one post halfway written for a week now and pictures in my phone i need to upload for a recipe post….I’ll get to it eventually!
I send you and your family a blown kiss and really that is a big thing gona [insert grammar) will miss you for a week but will be behind the scenes later in the week
Hey Brucey (sorry, I have a compulsion to call all Bruces “Brucey” because I’m referencing a film no one has seen).
Can’t believe you’re bringing out the blown kisses for me/us! That’s serious. And greatly appreciated.
Some potentially (un)helpful quotes:
Re: cantankerousness: “I don’t have pet peeves – I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.” ― George Carlin
Something to explain all us mad bloggers (very loosely including myself there): “Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.” ― Margaret Chittenden
Words to fucking live by: “and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks.” ― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe, and Everything
Out. Standing.
Those are really great. I just toddled over to your blog. You gots the funnies, lady.
I think I shall be a feather bed for the next while.
Hehe thanks lady! I’m new to this corner of the interwebs but love your crowd of cool crazy cats. Hope life is looking up as a feather bed!
Fortunate. So fortunate
To hear you say Dark Days aloud
A permission given, if you will
To recognize they do exist for not a few but many
The collective circle keeps adding arms
That hold us when we need to be held
Upright and standing tall
Fortunate. So fortunate.
Bringing tears to my eyes, Jots. I’d like to share this on my Facebook with your permission. How beautifully you capture the essence of the camaraderie of this blogging and real-life world. I’m very moved by this.
Anything you want, Sweet-Tea. It’s yours…
Thank you. I will of course, give full credit. xo
This is why I wish the internet had hugs. I hope life’s giant 96′s get off your head soon. Doesn’t he have a politician’s mouth to fill somewhere?
It’s great that you have a wonderful support system, both flesh and virtual. It helps. Alot. Hugs to you all.
You’re a funny lady, Storky. I know you get it, because I read your post. I have never felt so supported. I hope that I can support in kind. xo
Ditto. It’s incredible how we feel the love through the ether
I hear ya! Even in the tough times there are always people to be grateful for (or some otherworldly forces that shake us out of whatever funkiness we find ourselves in)… we wouldn’t get through it without them (and we know it). It’s always a good thing to acknowledge them, though (karma and all that)!
Try to have a decent [insert time frame here].
There is much to be grateful for, and as long as I can recognize that, I know things are could be worse. I hope for the whole world to have the kind of good people I have in my life. That ought to put and end to war.
Many thanks, Java.
Cantankerous you say? That would also be my natural state. Lucky you, you are surrounded by good people :) I tell you, it’ll eventually get sunny and spring will come and birds will be singing and we will all laugh thinking back at the less beautiful moments in our lives.
It’s amazing how much cantankerousness people will endure. I find it helps to be funny and grumpy. Takes the edge off.
SPRING! Practically around the corner. only 34 days until the days start getting longer again.
You are so right! Although it has also helped me a lot to sometimes take that mask off. One can be really pleasantly surprised how much people out there actually don’t act like judges, but really understand what one is going trough :)
Trapiche!! I’ll trade your cantankerous for a 1957 Chevy. Then I’ll beat it up into a longboard and do a half pike. If it’s still canta ( singing) I’ll silence it with a Cuban pepper and caliente salsa. Give me a fuck an knife.
You, my lady, are magic. Pure fucking magic.
Ah life, that maniacal motherfucker. I’m sorry times are trying you. You guys have all my interwebz love.
Life is a bit of a sociopath. BUT WE SHALL BEAT IT BACK WITH LOVE, gawddammit. Thanks for your contribution to our armoury.
Hang in there. I know a lot of people facing hurdles now/over the past few months. Apparently we aren’t all alone!
There’s SO MANY of us. Birds of a messed up feather or life just being a jerkface?
Well, life won’t take us a live! Wait, just that sound crazy or good?
It’s fucking hard. And dark. You know it will pass and you are grateful but that big monster is wrapping his arms around you. It’s a test. It’s all a test. Nobody likes tests. I’ll tell you one way you’re fortunate beyond belief, you have someone who is in it with you, for the long haul. Someone who gets it. That’s huge. My husband, soon to be ex husband didn’t get it. He didn’t get depression, or addiction, or acknowledge either of them as a disease. He thought I had a choice. He left. I am not saying this for any reason other than to let you know that you will come out the other side. You may not know how, or when, but you will, and you will be loved and supported unconditionally along the way. And a big high-five chest-bump for putting this out there and not isolating as we all tend to do. I have never met you, but as sure as the sun shines, I love you.
Tracy
How’d you get to be so cool, Tracy?
I am eternally grateful for my partner in crime, my company in misery, my pea in the pod. It will be ok, because there is no option. That is, it’s not possible for things to stay the same. Defies physics and other smart stuff. So, there is and end of the tunnel or other metaphor. You’ve gone through your own long tunnel, and come out scrappy, loving, funny, and blond. Surely I can do some of that.
Your ex can suck an egg (can I say that?)
Loving you is easy ’cause you’re funny-smart-beautiful.
Yep! That boot is large and it keeps on stomping. But you’re right life is good, underneath it all. Thanks for reminding me.
The boot has to move sometime, right!?
At least the company under there seems to be good.
Hello, thank you for keeping going and for being a source of light and strength and community to others even in your hardest times. Love ALWAYS rules. There is no true escape except to stare it all square in the face (while eating delicious treats and taking baths, and breathing and doing other comforting things). I for one will being hugging you from afar. xoxo
I hear that chocolate covered marshmallow for breakfast is a surefire way to lift one’s spirits. I highly recommend it.
I’m burning a hole through the hard times with my stink eye, and there you all are. Faring so much better because of the friendships I have forged here. Like yours. xo
Your family is AMAZING – hang in there – enjoy the snow and cold (or know that others are envious of your snow) and drink a lot of excellent hot chocolate. Don’t look at the whole mountain – just 5 feet in front of you – it’s much less overwhelming. As a control freak – I can attest that it’s much easier to cope with everything when you are not looking at everything.
Yup. The small picture is really useful sometimes. My family is amazing, and I am grateful they are around me. Bundle of sticks being harder to break, and all.
Are you offering to bring me hot chocolate, because that would be divine. I bet you’d be great company to share it with, too. xoxo
Yeah, I’m a riot
First, I LOVE YOU. You are so amazing I can hardly stand it sometimes.
Second, you’ve got such a great network of people around you. Combine that with your willingness to push through, and things will eventually look up. It ain’t easy, but it’s doable.
SO MANY HUGS I’M SQUEEZING OXYGEN OUT OF YOU.
I like that you can’t stand me because I’m amazing, and not because of my shabby attempts at personal hygiene. Things have really changed since high school. You are part of that sexy network, but you must know that.
Hugging you back until your eyes bleed.
Hang in there!
Hanging! You should see the view from here.
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The fact that you feel this way and can still recognize the good says so much about your amazingness.
How can I forget my brethren and sistren? They all up in my grill with their “Iove” and “support” and “friendship” and “reminders to shower”.
Knowing that Speaker7 comes around to my blog is kind of an ego boost, too. Do you know her?
My grandmother always says that “it is darkest before the dawn.” It makes me want to tell her to fuck herself and I can’t because she is my grandmother. And here I find myself wanting to tell you that it is true. She is right. It IS darkest before the dawn. I’ll just go ahead and tell myself to fuck off now.
Platitude with attitude, yo.
Thar be wisdom in them thar words. And nobody really believes it until it happens to them. Granny is wise, as grannies often are. Tell her I say thanks, and then tell her I would like her to tell you “thanks” too. xo
I can relate. This time of year, especially with the pressure of the holidays, I usually feel off. The last two weeks my family and friends have wondered what’s going on with me. I tell them that’s a good question :) However, through my “weirdness” we manage to get in a few laughs. It helps. I’m grateful for ALL the people in my life (in-the-flesh & online) that bring some light to the darkness.
The holidays strike fear into my heart. SO MUCH PRESSURE. I love that you get it.
People to laugh with are a gift. And a light. You are bang on.
Love the cartoon. Being grateful for what you have makes things easier when times get rough. Good luck to you.
Right now, being blessed with enough perspective to KNOW that I am surrounded by good folks is a life raft. The people themselves are the search and rescue team.
Yay for metaphors!
Thanks Curvy.
I hope that life foot eases up soon. Even in your darkness, your light and hope shine through your words. All the support I can give you and your family through the Internet.
If I chew through the foot, would it be wicked-cool or gross?
I can feel the love, R(o)FL, and it is large. Thank you.
Sending you a HUG, not just for you but for me too ; ø )
That sounds good to me. *high five*
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I love you.
me too, you.
Thinking of you and your family!!! Sending you positive thoughts and vibes and chocolate covered love and money thoughts !!!! Hang in there…its all we got sometimes…laugh and make out with your husband and slap a kid or two…hug people…give to someone else…I know when I get sick of my own stink…there is always someone who needs more than I do. Love you!!!!
HA! If anyone knows what it’s like to try cleaning up the fan when the shit hits it, it’s you.
It does help to get out of my own head by concentrating on others. Keeps me from sinking too far into the muck of self-pity. xo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa_HT9vQiLw the thought of a fan…made me think of this clip…and so I found a montage for you. ‘build a Jacuzzi okay???’ hahahahahaha. And thanks girl. Sometimes I just buy a new goddamned fan ya know??? also talking into a fan so your voice sounds weird is super fun.
How did I miss the shrimp! He’s a genius, okay…
Um, which muppet film is that from? I seemed to have missed it.
omg…I don’t remember…I just loved the ‘build a jaccuzzii okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay? ‘ The kids and I watched this one over and over…
((Hugs)) Because I’m a hugger, and you sound like you could use a few more. Just keep on keeping on. It’s the only thing any of us can do.
LOVE HUGS!
One foot in front of the other. At least for the moment.
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I recognize that foot. I’m sure it lives at my house. I will have to get better locks so it doesn’t come and bug you guys any more.
There are people in my life that make me weep because they are so kind. They never judge and they are always there for me. That’s why you keep going.
We have had many of those moments. I get overwhelmed by the kindness. At first, I fight it, because I feel guilty. Now, I keep in mind that I will give in kind when I can, any way that I can. And that’s how to make the world a better place. xo
Oh have I been there. So sorry that things are so difficult for the whole family right now Sara and I hope they get easier and you get some relief soon. It’s good that you can still see your blessings even when you feel bombarded by shit. I think that’s really important and something I have trouble doing. You and your family are often in my thoughts and I look forward to meeting you one day in person. xo
All will be well, as my bipolar, aneurysm surviving aunt used to say. I know that we’ll be ok (but if you had’ve asked me a year ago, I would’ve been certain of the opposite).
I also know that our story, though unique in it’s details, is common in it’s theme. The sheer number of people (like you) who can relate blows my mind. And yet, here you are, alive and kicking and able to give love and support. I think we’ll make it.
Look forward to meeting you too, Wendy. Maybe in the new year?
I look forward to meeting you as well Sara. Whenever you are ready for my visit, I will be there. With bells on. And clown repellent. :-p
I hope that everything gets better for you guys! I do love the blogging community and their support, and you’re right: the support of real friends and family is invaluable.
Things are going to be ok, I know it. Thank you, GMJ. We are blessed.
Ah yes, those days where all you can do is quote Dory from Finding Nemo.
“Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! What do we do? We swim, swim, swim…”
Sending love and hugs. Xx
HA! That goes through my head on a regular basis (what with a toddler in the house, I’ve seen it more times than I’d like). Dory is most excellent.
I know you’ve probably already thought of this, or are doing it, but … would Vitamin D help? -hugs-
It’s excellent advice. I am trying to increase my vit. D foods, and will probably start taking a multi again.
Artificial sun!
We don’t get the kinds of winters you do but I noticed that for years my sister-in-law would be quite miserable during our dank, grey winters. Then we had a long drought and winters became sort of cold but sunny and she stopped saying how much she hated Melbourne in winter!
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Hold on to that abundance of love!