Breaking up with Awesome.
I can be a bit of a grammar snob, but I’m not a saint. I take pride in my command of the English language, yet I’m no stranger to tpyos, spellcheck, and ellipsis overuse…
Sentence fragments. Also a favourite of mine. I think the Oxford comma is logical, important, and underused. I love the bejesus out of slang. Even the occasional mixed metaphor proves mightier than the writing on the wall.
I do, however, get a little obsessive when I catch myself overusing a word. A great example would be “fuck” since it can replace any ingredient in any grammar recipe. It goes with fucking everything. The word I’ve been beating with a dead horse, however, is “awesome”. No, that’s the word, not a description.
I treasure awesome. It too, is fairly versatile. How was your day? Awesome. Your face is awesome. That was awesome dipped in awesomesauce. Awesome is awesome. BUT, the time has come for me to take some space from awesome. I know, that as useful and convenient as it may be, I say “awesome” when I really mean wonderful, astounding, touching, chocolate, terrible, terrific, hooray, husband, stellar, or outstanding. I’m in a codependent relationship, and it has to stop.
Therefore, as of today, awesome and I are THROUGH. We won’t go to dinner or to parties together. No more late night conversations or love letters. I won’t take awesome to meet the family. It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but I just need to see other words and explore my options. We can still be friends.
I suspect that during the difficult but necessary separation, I will find solace in ice cream and thesauri. I will need to remind myself daily, perhaps hourly, that I don’t need awesome. That I can, in fact, get along just fine without it. I am woman, hear me synonymize.
Please folks, I need your support and understanding. If it looks like I’m ready to run back into awesome’s arms, stage an intervention. I’d like to meet other adjectives and slang. So if you know of any, send them my way. Y’all are phenomenal.