Pee
The cons and pros of potty training a toddler in a tiny apartment.
Con: It smells like pee in here.
Pro: Not mine!
Con: I have a 6 minute window to wash any “accidents” out of clothes before they get lost/forgotten
Pro: Lost or forgotten in minimal square footage increases possibility of rediscovery in a timely manner.
Con: There’s room for only one potty.
Pro: The potty is only 5 feet from anywhere.
Con: Wonky hardwood floors makes pee travel fast.
Pro: It’s a rental.
There was a time when I could wax philosophical or debate politics. Now I talk about bodily fluids. Perhaps it’s not that different.
I welcome all toddler horror stories, by the way.
I’m pretty sure she does it on purpose to assert her dominance.
The Ringmistress,
My daughter is a magician. One time, I left mine for 60 seconds, while I was in the kitchen cooking a marvellous roast beef, and when I came back, she made a turd appear out of nowhere, on the floor. Just like that.
Le Clown
Totally magical! Your daughter is obviously very gifted.
You cook a marvelous roast beef in 60 seconds? Now THAT’s magic! If I weren’t vegetarian, I’d ask for your recipe… xoM
Margarita,
The blogosphere is my witness: my 60-Second roast beef is one of the best thing I cook, this and unicorn burgers and baby seal frittata.
Le Clown
I LOVE baby seal fritatta – so good to see others appreciating it too ^.^
Then you must try Siberian Tiger soup. To die for! Literally, if your a tiger.
Sara, I think they’re also marking their territory as you’ve indicated in your delightful illustration. You should write a children’s book! You could even do the illustrations. Think about it — this post is hilarious and so many moms could relate. I don’t have children — all mine have paws so I did have to go through a form of potty training but it’s much easier because I don’t have to diaper them and when it’s on the floor it makes for easier cleanup.
Le Clown’s comment makes your daughter’s bodily functions sound magical as well. ;).
I wish I could train my daughter to scratch at the door and pee on the grass, but I hear that’s a no no. Potty training is almost universal, so I know I’ll survive.
Hahaha! This just cracks me up, perhaps because I don’t have to deal with it myself. Tiny geek is just so adorable. :D
And it’s a good thing. I can’t stay annoyed for more than 2 minutes.
At least she doesn’t spray to mark her turf, that would probably be a little messier. I have no toddler horror stories, but one of my kitties likes to use potted plants as a litter box.
Cats!!! Fur babies can be as maddening. We had cats that liked the plants too. So I cut the bottoms off soft drink (ok, beer) cans and stuck them into the dirt, bottoms up. Worked brilliantly…until I saw the curtains.
Yeah, they’re clever that way. Rotten brats.
This is funny and in a way familiar. I’m like Madam Weebles have no toddler’s tales, but Doggy is right there peeing on the carpet, marking his territory.
The things we do for love.
Yeah, no kids for me either, but my cat used to use my magazine baskets as a bathroom, when I wasn’t looking. Notice the plural baskets? There was one in the bathroom and one in the living room. Now I just stack my magazines up under the end tables like a neanderthal.
Maybe it was a comment on what you’re reading? Be honest, it was People and The Enquirer, wasn’t it…
No No No. I get Entertainment Weekly and Rolling Stone. But, you may have a point. Maybe the Biebs was on the cover, or something like that.
Just wait until she leaves the inevitable turd in the bathtub. That’s always fun.
Baths are Le Clown department. I look forward to the day.
They float! Well, at least they did at my house.
Yes, I suspect the greater the consistency, the greater the sinkage. (Good god am I actually talking about this? ;) )
Poop never stops being funny/interesting. We just go through a stages of denial.
Very true. :)
You might get to exact your revenge on her in about 50 years. At least Tiny Geek’s cute.
I plan to pee all over her place when the time comes.
As though the post weren’t funny enough, I just spat cupcake on my laptop laughing at this comment!
That sounds like fun when cupcake is involved.
Pee is better than vomit any day.
Amen, sister. I would also make an argument that pee is superior to boogers.
yes
Urine is sterile when it exits the body. Boogers are meant to trap germs. I think you have excellent grounds for your assertion.
RIGHT!?
Dammit, now I want to move into an apartment as part of preparation.
Well, if it’s going to get pee on everything, might as well rent.
I’ve just seen one huge advantage to my joining a religious order. Vow of celibacy = no sex = no risk of pregnancy = no need to potty train any tiny humans. Although in saying that, I think my sister is going to visit me soon and her youngest is coming up to 15 months which means I guess he won’t be too far off the whole potty training saga.
I’m sure children are born being adorable as a defence mechanism. “you can’t kill me, I’m cute!”
The monastic life sounds peaceful and diaper free…until you get to the really old ones, I suppose.
Darn cute kids, foiling all my plans.
Ah, yes, I’d kind of forgotten about our older Sisters who live in the infirmary wing, and their particular requirements. Thank you for reminding me!
I’ve come to regard pee as no biggie. I, too, was training a toddler in a tiny apartment filled with toys in every corner. There was hardly room for the potty! I can relate. You will survive it…but I’m still dealing with night time issues with child #2, age 6. Sometimes, I am washing three sets of sheets because he’s peed in his bed and then he’ll do it in mine. And, then the laundry is backed up. This, too, will pass….Luckily, they’re so cute, huh?
That is so much pee. Can’t kids wear diapers until, like 12?
That whole “love” thing was kind of ingenious on nature’s part.
This conjures up visions of trudging through the American Museum of Natural History with my darling toddler’s feet squooshing in her little shoes after she made a puddle in the middle of the rotunda. I was prepared: wiped up w/ the roll of paper towels, stuffed them in specially brought plastic bag, changed her clothes in the ladies’ room, and rolled on to the next exhibit. I’ve never heard of anyone who goes to college without being potty trained, so I was pretty sure we’d make it. You will, too! xoxoM
Yeah, we will survive. I know enough to be prepared. Of course, the one time I forget a change of clothes, that’s when an explosion will happen. Makes for good stories to embarrass them later.
I’m with you. Last week in the span of maybe fifteen minutes, she got pee on the bathroom floor, her clothes, my pants (and leg), and the couch. And she still wears pull ups!
It’s hard when you’re not dealing with a mood disorder, when you are it feels nearly impossible.
Yup, you said it, woman. Parenting is hard. Parenting with the crazies is hella hard.
Don’t we get a medal or something?
I feel your pain Sara, but I have no horror stories to share… perhaps I am the only parent that had no issues with potty training. Yay..another thing to be grateful for..(pro) (con)-have nothing fun and witty to share. sighs…lol Hang in there. :)
You wanna come over? Maybe we can work on my technique…
Sure…just give me a few…my broom is having it’s bristles trimmed and fluffed. ;)
I can add this to my long list of reasons I didn’t have children. It will go right after you can’t tie them up in the backyard.
Not legally. But if you live in remote areas with few neighbours, it’s a grey area.
When my mom was here visiting us this week, she kindly said “Awwww, your car smells like C.” This is nice-people-speak for “Awwww, your car smells like pee.” Damn you, clothe diapers! What’s even sadder is that since it’s pee but she’s also my baby, I kind of like the way it smells. The 21-year-old party girl in me weeps as I say this.
Everything’s different when it’s your own kid. I do things with my girl that I would’ve never imagined. She has blown her nose into my fingers. My FINGERS! So, I get it.
Right on for cloth! We had to give ours up when we moved into a building with coin operated washer/dryer. Washing would eclipse our grocery bill.
oh dear God your fingers? I’ve let them use my shirt but my fingers? Eeeew!
I have no dignity.
naa just a whole lot of love :0 ) I have a low gross out factor. really really low
Having a disabled kid in diapers has its perks – no pee on floor.
OK, now that I’ve gone back and read some archives and your “about” section, I feel all caught up. Didn’t know you already had a kidlet, let alone a disabled one.
I think you write with humour and humble grace about topics that could verge on saccharine or pontificating in another person’s hands.
Also, nice silver lining you got there.
This is a really lovely comment. Thank you
Apparently when I was potty training, I proudly announced to my parents in the middle of a home improvement store that I had peed in the potty. The floor model. A quick exit ensued.
No kids = no horror stories, nor badges of honor. Except I did have a cat with a urinary problem. God, that was so horrible. Every time I came home, something else was completely and irreparably ruined because it was a stinky male cat. It stressed me out to no end.
I found him a new home where they didn’t mind feeding him prescription cat food and were OK with the occasional “accidents.” I felt really bad that I couldn’t do that, but I simply couldn’t handle it. So, good thing I have no brats!
Better to find that cat a more appropriate home and admit your limitations. Everyone wins, except your couch. It’s too late for the couch.
I bribed mine with candy. Worked brilliantly. Probably not so much your style, but I’m throwing it out there anyway.
I’m not above bribing. I just can’t keep candy long enough. Maybe I need training.
The moments when they’re so proud for going on the potty make up for all the accident craziness. My son potty trained quickly and fairly early (before 3) for boys these days but he’s almost 8 and I am still wiping pee off the floor and back of the toilet. I’m hoping the ‘aiming’ gene will kick in soon. That and the ‘hand washing’ gene.
I live with a full grown man that has aim and hand washing issues. Don’t hold your breath.
Oh shit you just made me spill my coffee! Hilar.
My sympathies to you! I trained my first 2 together, while I was pregnant with my third and then after he was a newborn. It was the hardest thing I have ever done as a mother… but at least I can say I am now better prepared to potty train my 3rd :)
You just set the bar really high.
I can’t imagine training two at the same time. Bravo!
Nah, I just like my bar setting on “impossible”. It’s really not healthy lol Good Luck!
Potty-trainging our oldest took a LONG time. I don’t think he even peed on the potty until he was four, and he didn’t fully toilet-train until closer to five. He was READING before he was potty-trained.
The funniest thing was in the very beginning, when he was about two and a half. I thought maybe I could potty-train him before his brother was born… So we spent a few days without diapers. His bladder was still small, and he clearly had no control over it. Hewould have accidents literally every ten minutes, and I would waddle around after him cleaning up, at 8 months pregnant. Thank goodness for wood floors.
We are still potty-training our 3-year-old. She seems to do okay, but is still in that phase where she doesn’t want to stop what she’s doing to go use the bathroom. Peeing interrupts her very busy schedule of playing, watching TV, and torturing her brothers.
I think I get a bit hung up in the conventional expectations of potty training. The only reason we started at all is because our daycare person was making passive-aggressive remarks about how she’s too old for diapers. I mean, if she doesn’t potty train until 5, it’s not like she’ll be wetting the bed at 20. I guess it’s no biggie, really. I’m just lazy, and cleaning up pee really interferes with my blogging and couch potato-ing. For the record, I don’t like having to interrupt my playing-TV-torturing my family to pee either. I guess I can empathize.
Oh, wow, I so miss the potty training days. So much fun. Once I was at a stranger’s garage sale and they had one of those little potties they train on and my 3 year old went and peed in it. She was super proud. I got to buy a spare potty.
Also, there are so many excellent video experiences that are supposed to help your kid learn to potty. I have been wanting to a post on those for a while. Oh, wow, they are so awesome, especially the Elmo one.
Post and give me guidance. Please. I have no idea what I’m doing. My kiddo is accident free for four weeks straight AT HER DAYCARE but pees on our floor almost every day.
Is it because I look at my computer too much? Moreover, would it work if i did the same thing to get Le Clown’s attention?
Don’t know if I’m the expert. Eldest had a verbal delay and I had an “I’m preggers w/ baby two” delay and she was four before she was done. UGH. Second kid was three. She acted like she was ready around 2.5, but then she was like, meh. Turned three and almost exactly bang, okay, what the heck, I’ll use the potty.
Pee on the floor? Probably be better if you peed on him, cause then he’d have to clean up.
Have you tried crate training?
Not YET!!! You’re a smartie.
My brother used to paint murals on his bedroom wall… using his own poop. Pee is nothing!
An artist creates with whatever’s at hand.
My dad has a similar story about me, and he loves telling it….over and over and over….
I remember watching my best friends daughter walk into my clothes closet, shut the door, grunt, and walk back out leaving me a present on the floor near my shoes…
That’ll teach you to invite kids over…
Hilarious, in retrospect.
So true – after her little dumpage she went to the kitchen and ate the dog’s food – my house is not so kid friendly.
That illustration just gets me. Congrats on being able to look on the (oh so hilarious) bright side of things!
There’s no shortage of good material, that’s for sure. Besides, do we ever really grow out of thinking bodily functions are funny?
Why is it that I can’t summon up a single toilet training anecdote? I do believe I’ve blocked out this entire season of my life, and with three boys, it was a long season indeed. I’m here to tell you that they all learn to use the toilet, and eventually, the only way you’ll remember this period is because of your writing!
This is one place where writing is preferred over pictures to jog the memory.
I look forward to my brain editing out the worst of it. Could be worse…could be twins.
I used to soothe myself with the same refrain!
I never, ever managed to potty train my daughter. :( She’d sit there for 15 minutes and do nothing. I let her stand up and instant pee… on the floor next to the potty. Did I mention she’s kinda stubborn? We compromised by buying one of those kiddie toilet seats with steps so she could use the big loo. Completely trained herself with no little accidents, even at night, in 3 months. -sigh- Daughters knows best. I wish you patience and joy and more patience. :D
Meeks! Maybe I just need to change my tactic…interesting. What’s with this stubborn streak? Certainly our kids did not get it from us! No way.
lmao – I like to blame my ex for that part of her genetic mix but… mea culpa… I can be kinda stubborn too. ;) She certainly taught me to compromise that’s for sure!
a) I’ve been crap at keeping up on other people’s blogs.
b) When Z was potty training, he spent a good deal of time nekkid. When I say “good deal” think “all.” One time, he was sitting sideways on the arm of the chair, playing with something on the table beside my laptop. He stood up to show me something and proceeded to pee all over my laptop. The next one I got came with a “spill” warranty (and I confirmed with the saleswoman that they didn’t check to find out what kind of liquid had been “spilled”).
a) I know exactly how you feel. My suckage is large at the moment in the reading other people’s blogs dept.
b) Naked is kind of how we do things around here too. I’m too lazy to deal with washing all those tiny unerswear and pants. And yet, still they come. Ans pile. And I weep.