35 years of age may or may not be mid life. I’m not psychic. Maybe it’s my 1/3 life crisis, or even a quarter life crisis. In which case, I have lots of time. It seems, however, that I have missed my window to be a child prodigy or to make the top 30 under 30.
For myriad reasons (maternity leave, and an extended bout of post partum depression), I find myself in transition and without a job. In other words, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
Ok, maybe I do want this.
I don’t have the cash for an impressively impractical sport car, nor do I have any interest in finding some young arm candy.
What I want is work that fulfills me, and barring that, a job I don’t hate. Am I being selfish or unrealistic?
Yes, I know my parent’s generation toiled at whatever job they could get for 50 years and were grateful for the opportunity to do so. I also recognize that through the previous generation’s experience my chronological peers have been implicitly (or explicitly) given the message that it’s not worth it. We see (some of) our parents dissatisfied, burnt out, feeling trapped, and living with regret because they sacrificed they’re personal dreams for the American (and Canadian) middle class dream. With mixed messages of “follow your bliss” and “take what you can get” I am unemployed, confused, and totally indecisive.
This is not my calling, but is that relevant?
So, as I examine my options, and evaluate my experience, how do I choose? I want to be a photographer, fashion designer, artist, graphic novelist, gardener, doctor, writer, Prime Minister, green architect, interior decorator, graphic designer, editor, shop owner, farmer, illustrator…the list goes on ad nauseum. But I need to pay the bills, and I need to do it right now. Living in French speaking Canada, I am also hindered by my unilingualism. I speak very rudimentary French, but it’s not enough to even be a warehouse worker or house cleaner.
Logically, I should write that graphic novel, because I don’t need to be bilingual to do so, but that might not pay any time soon, or ever. Equally logical is the choice to take whet I can get, even if it means being overeducated, underpaid, and miserable.
I feel like I’m starting over, except my job market competition are all 20 somethings willing to work for peanuts.
I have a plan, though. There’s a program offered at the local YWCA that helps reintegrate women into the workforce after a baby-related hiatus. If I start there, then maybe the whole thing won’t seem as daunting. Until then, I wait to be discovered and become the next blogging superstar. What would you do?
Decisions, decisions
I want to be a zookeeper. Not really. I just want to play with baby lions and baby tigers all day. But I doubt someone will pay me to do that.
The YWCA program sounds like a good first step, no? If I had money, I’d produce your graphic novel.
Best of luck in whatever path you choose. I know by experience that it is very difficult to start all over, especially when one is dealing with mental health on top of it. But you’re a very smart and talented woman and I’m sure you’ll find your way.
If I’m ever a rich eccentric with my own rescued wild animal ranch (another dream I have) I’ll hire you to play with baby tigers.
The Crazies do get in the way a bit, but during this whole ‘recovery’ deal, a few things have crystallized. Like I don’t need to be pushed around in a job, and I don;t need to take care of everyone. I think that these realizations will help in whatever job I find. But, memory and organization are still suffering a bit. I would be a terrible personal assistant.
A lot of mothers have starts and stops in their careers from having kids. That’s nothing against our sweet little kiddies, but it is often a reality. I wish you luck in transitioning back to the employment world.
I thank you.
I know I’m not alone, and I’m happy there’s support for people in my position. There was a time when there wasn’t.
Remember that the next step is just the next step and not a lifelong commitment. And while I’m taking those steps, take all the detours from the path of “conventional wisdom” because that’s where I AM! xoxoM
That’s something my therapist would tell me. It doesn’t have to be “either-or”. There is a lot of grey area between the black and white.
I guess that means you’re pretty wise.
Conventional wisdom is just that…conventional!
…and usually not very wise! When I was 35, I was a single parent (by choice) with a three-year-old daughter who ran up to strangers in Central Park telling them she was three years old and her mother was THIRTY FIVE! I worked from home doing proofreading. Eventually, I when my daughter was in pre-school, I got an outside job for while she was in school, and as her needs shifted, my jobs did, too. It wasn’t about a career, it was about paying the bills. Today, several decades older, I’m exploring – again – what I’d like to be when I grow up…and discovering skills I didn’t know I had! One breath-step-thought at a time, dear Sara! Life is a whole cloth made up of moments! xoxoxoM
It’s never too late to start over, huh? Who knows where I’ll be when I’m 80.
Perhaps not start over, just start a new story. I’m sure at 80 you’ll still be fabulous…in an 80 sort of way! ;) xoxoM
I plan on it. xo
I hope that 35 is not too young to have a midlife crisis, because I am also 35 and in the EXACT SAME BOAT AS YOU. I think of it more as a “post-baby-back-from-the-brink-of-PPD-and-more-mindful-of-how-I want-to-spend-my-time” crisis. I might have to think of a shorter name for it. Anyway, I feel you, is what I am saying. You are a talented and lovely lady, with a great support system. Call the YWCA and write your book when the mood strikes. This could be a very exciting time ahead.
I think I should rename this post “post-baby-back-from-the-brink-of-PPD-and-more-mindful-of-how-I want-to-spend-my-time” crisis. Because that is on the nose. What kind of thing do you have in mind? Astronaut? Dog whisperer? Diaper sales person?
And why is this so anxiety riddled? I wish I was the “no worries, it’ll all work out” kind of woman, but I am not. And how. I eagerly watch your every move during your parallel journey…but not in a stalky way.
Selling diapers in space? That is as solid of an idea as I have. The default is to go back to oil and gas (I work on the environmental side so everyone don’t throw things at me!) and I have feelers out to that effect. I am afraid that it won’t be terribly fulfilling, but it would give me some financial freedom to pursue something else. I just don’t know what that “else” is. My main talents are being self-deprecating and yelling and I don’t know how to leverage that into something marketable.
For me, I think it’s anxiety riddled because I really fear being burnt out and spiraling into depression again. Also, I get all worked up with the idea that I should have been doing something remarkable by now instead of being a personal disaster.
And I will follow your moves as well, but in a totally stalky way.
“For me, I think it’s anxiety riddled because I really fear being burnt out and spiraling into depression again”
EXACTLY.
Screw you, anxiety. Nobody invited you to the party. And you didn’t even bring beer.
Anxiety is really a jerk that way. It could at least do you some favours, but no, it’s all rapid aging, disease, and alienation. A beer every so often would be nice.
Ditto.
And I have really promising prospects, am a very competitive candidate, and have had every advantage in building a strong foundation for this career! But I’m totally terrified that my intended employment will send me to the nuthouse – minimum 60 hour weeks, to start, and no breaks or raises of any kind for over 5 years. At “entry level.” I’m already unnerved by the very idea of the huge transition stresses of relocation, property sales, spousal unemployment, etc. I did not do well with that last time around!
Faculty do not live cushy lives! It’s super stressful, extremely demanding, and minutely scrutinized work. The job market alone – with 200 applicants for every job – scares the pants off of a lot of would-be profs. And you don’t really get to pick where you go – you go where the jobs are.
But not trying out of fear would be giving in to the illness in a way I’m not willing to accept. I already compromised with the postdoc instead of going straight for a faculty position. I can only delay the trial by fire for so long.
Whoa. I’m worried about a low key part time job burning me out. I’m rooting for ya. Sounds like a demanding but excellent opportunity. One that you’ve earned. I hope you’ll still talk to me when you’re a world renown prof/academic type.
Yeah, I know – demanding but exciting. Enough to make me quake in my boots but slaver at the promise. At least I get to wait a year before I have to start applying!
And of course I’ll still talk to you when I’m much too busy to think straight, Sara!
Oh man. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I can relate to this post. We seriously are sisters from different misters.
Lately I’ve realized that the path I’ve chosen is not the right one for me. I think my job is fine for what it is, but I really want to make a difference in this world. I want to do work that is meaningful. I don’t know if that means social work or helping the impoverished, but I do know I want my life to be more than meeting the bottom line for some corporation.
I think the YWCA thing is a great start! I hope you find what makes you happy. I am sure that no matter what you do you’ll end up bringing the Sara-ness that we all know and love.
YES! Meaning. I want to find meaning in the paid work I do. Is that too much to ask?
We should start a Meaningful Working Women’s club. People would hire us to change the world. It’ll be the shiz.
Or,
We could try drinking the sad away. I hear it’s very popular.
I found myself wearing shoes similar to yours..Did my Army career, was a stay at home Mom for 7 years then found myself spinning in circles. I too found a program designed for women re-entering the workforce.. Through that I landed a job that i was not thrilled over, but the $ was good, BUT from that experiencing I landed in my current job, in a field I never thought I was qualified for, yet here I am :-) my rambling point, dream BIG, plan BIGGER and never settle..
That gives me great hope. Really. I am not foolish enough to assume I’ll find DREAM JOB right out of the gate, but just getting those gears moving again would be nice. I can deal with starting at the bottom, and getting the experience to work towards a better suited goal.
Just keep moving forward….
I’m so happy you told me this. It’s really encouraging.
You guys have programs for women re-entering the workforce? I thought you were just supposed to shame them for not working, then when they got a job, shame them for not being with their children. That’s how it works in America.
You forget we’re all socialists.
Besides, I neglect my kids just fine when I’m at home.
(I’M JUST KIDDING, THEO’S MOTHER)
Lol, you’re such a hippy. :D
we have parallel blog posts today, i feel like. you are so smart and talented. i swear, you and le clown need to put up a blog that simply hires you both out – remotely from home, over skype of the like – as consultants. i’m not kidding. the two of you together could clean up doing this… just look at this guy and this woman…
i can’t find the guy, but he eats and apple in his logo and makes a ton of money
http://ittybiz.com/
if i had the combined talents of writing and graphic skills that you two have, i would do that. i’m telling you. you’d make a shit ton of money and you could do it, your way… xo, sm
ermergerd. Read your post. Is this some kind of telepathic meme?
WE CAN DO IT! Right!? Right???
I admire what you do. It seems to be it’s got to be one of the most gruelling, competitive, fickle areas to work in. You have ovaries of iron, woman.
Thank for the linkages.
xo
(commenting on your post now).
It’s not enough to have the career blues, but you have the language issue too which makes it really tough (which I totally get, BTW). You are so creative though…I bet you’ll figure something out. The Y sounds like a good start. And all these awesome graphic pieces you do….can you market them on their own?
The Career Blues! Love it. So precise.
I know you get it.
The drawings…well, I can eventually put them all together and maybe submit them to Drawn & Quarterly (do you know about them? Local publishing co specializes in graphic novels and the like).
Just gotta take the plunge, I suppose. Whether or not I’m a strong swimmer.
Take the plunge!! Your work is amazing…so ironic, poignant, hilarious…many things. The drawing you did with where your arms have fallen off and you’re just saying ‘fuck’, along with the one of the bleary eyed woman saying something about some mornings there isn’t enough coffee, are so universal. I don’t know if mass market stuff appeals at all but I can totally see those on coffee mugs, greeting cards, t-shirts….
I do dream of having an Etsy shop one day. Or Etsy alternative, as I don’t always love the nimrodedness of that place.
Just do it, then. It takes less time to get started than WordPress. I’m dead serious.
I have an Etsy shop. I don’t make much, but then again, I don’t try very hard (nor am I really at liberty to direct bloggers there what with the whole anonymity thing), and it is actually a net gain given that materials are a sunk cost. Plus I don’t have the regrets of not having tried or relegating it to a someday that never comes.
You know, as soon as I have some product and a credit card, I probably will. It can’t be that difficult. I would love to know more about your shop.
It’s hard to improve on what’s been said here already because all of these ladies have offered excellent insights. However, I’ll add my $0.02 anyway.
I’m 44. Last year I had my own midlife crisis (assuming I live until my mid-to-late 80s)—different from yours, but still. I’d been in the same career for 10+ years with no real desire to continue in it, and no real idea of what to do next, or how to transition when I did finally figure it out. But I started thinking about the stuff I liked and the stuff I was good at. Eventually things became clearer to me about what I really wanted.
I agree that the YWCA is a great idea to start with. Work with them, and spread the word to anyone and everyone about what you’d like to do. And the biggest piece of advice I can give you is this: do NOT let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. People always say “The economy is too bad, you won’t find work in that area,,” or “You can’t make a living doing that,” or whatever. So ignore whatever “They” say. Conventional wisdom is generally wrong.
I used to be fearless, and I feel it coming back, and that’s great.
It’s encouraging to know that so many smart, interesting, cool people (like yourself) are facing, or have faced, the same issues.
Somehow, it’s not so daunting.
I adore you for writing $0.02.
Lots of good and encouraging advice. The YWCA seems like a good place to start, and if it isn’t then look for somewhere else. The first step of any journey….yada, yada….
I do feel for you, I’m 46 and have decided to do a complete change. I am both thrilled and frightened but at my age I figure it is now or never. The amount of time I will need just to complete the schooling is daunting but I am going to at least try. I have no idea if it will work or how exactly I am going to do/pay for it but if I don’t try I will never know.
Start some where and remember to keep an open mind, who knows where it will take you?
OOOhhh. What are you going back to school for? This is very exciting. Ok, see there? I said it’s exciting for you, but think it’s scary for me? Maybe it’s time for a change of attitude…hmmm…
I am open, so long as I don’t have to do any fawning customer service and aggressively sell things that people don’t need. That leaves out car salesperson, and Mary Kay. Dang.
I am starting the pre-requirements to get into the pre-requirements for nursing. I am having to take math from the very bottom! Never was my strong suit so I am starting at the very beginning to make sure I really get it this time. Starting small to get back into the swing of going to school again. I figure things will really get fun when I hit biochem and anatomy & physiology!
So, just a little refresher… oy.
(you lost me after “math”)
The program offered at your local YWCA sounds like a very good start. I think that due to the difficulty to finding a good paying worthwhile steady job in this dismal economy, those that are working are often working jobs and McJobs that can be perceived as soul sucking grinds. It’s natural to want to avoid a situation like that, but if you are your sole means of support, it’s better to work the classic Any Job than no job. It sounds like you’re in a position where you have flexibility allowing you to ease your way back into the workforce so you might not need to settle for something spirit sapping. Instead of focusing on all the negatives working against you, why not shift gears and focus on what’s positive? If your goal is to take a giant leap into something that will lead to fast success, you might be very disappointed, but if you can set attainable goals for yourself in a field where you might have to start low at first but there’s the possibility of growth, over time you could attain some semblance of satisfaction both emotionally and financially. You just have to do it no matter what your age and yes, 35 is too young to suffer a midlife crisis. It might actually be the perfect age to start over. You won’t know until you start trying. Good luck.
Y’know, I’m pretty comfortable starting low and taking it from there. I’m not demanding. I don’t need (or want) to be running a multi-million dollar company or anything. I might end up taking a McJob, but even the Starbucks baristas need to be bilingual in this town. Doesn’t mean I can’t get a job…just means that the list is whittled down. Wouldn’t it be great to find a job that’s willing to send me to French classes too? Two birds, one job…or something. I’ll take your luck, thank you! Well, not yours, just the stuff you’re giving.
My heart goes out to you. I know how it feels to not know what you really want to do. I think the YMCA is a good idea. I would never have imagined myself doing my last job, but I liked it and it worked for me. It didn’t define me. I mean we work because we have to right? So try to find something that you like, or at least don’t hate. No it’s not asking too much, and in your spare time do what you love, and if you can one day parlay what you love into a good income then you just go on with your bad self. Stay open cause you never know what might surprise you. Hang in there. Potential employers are being total assholes right now because they can be…sighs.. I think you are taking the right steps. :)
Yes! A job that I don’t hate is good enough. And I will keep an open mind, because at 35, there’s much I haven’t tried, and things I don’t know about myself.
Fingers crossed that I don’t meet too many jerks along the way back to employment. Or in general.
Yes. fingers, legs and toes crossed, I am not sure how long I can stay like this though. lol
I shall try to be swift!
If 35 is too young, then there’s definitely something wrong with me. I’m not 30 yet and already have gone through a couple like that ;)
Y’know, I remember having this same freak out (well, similar) at age 25-ish, then again at 30-ish. So maybe it’s on a 5 year cycle. Little reminders that it’s time to get my butt in gear and focus on the important stuff. Or, maybe it’s time to drink a couple of glasses of wine and chill. Whichever. I wish you luck in your 20-something crisis (crises?).
Thanks Sara ;) good to have someone who understand you *can* be under 30 and have a crisis! I think that’s true for many overachievers.
Ha! You nailed it.
Can I make a suggestion? Instead of thinking about what you can’t do – e.g. speak fluent French – write a list of every single thing that you can do, including the communications skills needed to make and maintain a successful blog. You won’t find a job description that matches all of your talents but knowing that you /have/ them may give you the confidence to seize the opportunities that will arise. Even if you have to start small, once you show people what you are capable of even more opportunities will open up. -hugs- Meeks
I think that’s great advice. List all my awesome bits. I forget that blogging is a skill, and indeed a skill builder. Not only am I remmebering how to write in un-boring ways (so says I) but I have to talk to people. And be nice.
I can do that in the real world….I think.
-hgs back- s
I’m 36 and I’ve been having that crisis for a while . . . I am employed, but, um, well you see how much I post right? I love some aspects of the job (esp the paycheck and beneifts) but other parts – well, ugh. And then there’s the husband and the kids and the depression and the . . .etc. It gets to be a lot, doesn’t it?
Hang in there. Even if it is a soul-sucking job (which mine is sometimes) you will still have your creative outlets. I feel sorry for people with no creativity at all – the ones who haven’t read a single book besides 50 Shades, for instance. Look at all we have that they do not!
You mean a love of complete sentences?
Thank you for saying those things. For understanding. I’m often worried about people thinking that I’m whining or making excuses when I say that I get overwhelmed by the marriage-parenting-job-crazies mix. Damned crazies. I will be happy with any job that doesn’t kill me and pays the bills and let’s me drive my kids to school. I’m not asking for much, I don’t think. xo
Ughh. I know the feeling, only it’s a bit different for me, though very much the same. I was actually going to write a post very similar to this a while back: Paz of many trades master of maybe one. ha. And I wanted to comment yesterday but was too tired, so here it goes…
I’m incredibly indecisive; it comes with the package. So I feel you there. I also have been told I’m talented at various things but I doubt myself too much (that also comes with the depression package and other things). I’m so interesting in many things. My dad was a photographer who owned a nifty studio back in Colombia but once we moved to the US, he had to work odd jobs–at a newspaper copy warehouse, as a construction worker, and mostly as a janitor for retail stores. My mom was a house wife and grew up in a very patriarchal/domineering. When she married my dad she was only 18–he was 38–so he pretty much had her at home.
And that means I didn’t have any real working female figure growing up (except she did have to work as a cleaning lady later on). Anyway, my dad is now pressuring me to leave all the ideas I had about the type of work I love and enjoy, aka non-profit type of work or something creative or something that would help others. I know he wants me to make big bucks but I dont’ care to. Now, I’m still undocumented, so technically, I can’t legally work yet so it buys me some time, sort of. I’m a nerd, so I used up as much schooling as possible. I majored in: Sound Engineering/Music Production (though I’m halfway deaf now), Media Production, minors in Interdisciplinary Art and English. I like photography, being a side-show freak, writing, photography, drawing, writing, playing music, graphic design, etc… I also want to write a graphic novel. :D
Holy shit, this comment is long. SHoulda put it in a post…
oh and filmmaking!
May I recommend that you do write your own post. Your history is fascinating. Ans your education, that’s so NOW. You’ve got skills that are in demand.
But no matter how educated, talented, and hard working one is, the crazies can come and punch you in the teeth, making it all fucking useless for a while. Then the added burden of not legally being allowed to work…oy vey. Aren’t we on an interesting trip, hmmm?
Have you ever read Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi? That’s the kind of graphic novel I want to write.
Also, can’t wait for yours!
I hate to say this, but I watched the movie. I would like to read it though.
And yours.
I’ve only seen part of the movie. The book is better. Of course, I would say that though. ;)
Sara, I wandered over her in the event you posted because I am following your blog but never get alerts that you have posted!!!! GRRRRR. So I unfollowed and then followed again — maybe that will work or reboot it or something.
Anyhoo, you are a very talented and funny writer. Do you want to write? Why don’t you go to a small newspaper and/or publication and see if you can write some articles for free? That’s what I did to get into freelancing. Then you can build up a nice portfolio to show for paying gigs. Just a thought! Thirty-five is very young!! Some of the most interesting people I’ve ever met are older than that and still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. (and that includes myself).
Good luck, Sara and I really hope I begin to immediately get your posts when you do post — that’s what I’ve set my fecking WordPress thing to do!
You are the bomb, Brigitte. I do think it’s a stellar idea to just start submitting until I get noticed, and then some more until I get paid. And I plan to…What the hell,. Sooner is better than later, huh? Appreciate the pep talk, BB.
You can only call it a mid-life crisis if you expire at age 70…
I had to laugh when you were talking about being told to ‘follow your bliss’…I was complaining to my father one night about not being happy in a job I had and here’s his sage advice: “I hate my job, I don’t see why you think you should love yours. I’m miserable, you’ll be miserable” – at times like that, I desperately wish to find adoption papers.
Good luck – go with the blogging superstar – you’ll be fabbo.
Thanks dad. Maybe you could set up a coffee date for us three and we can follow up on that little nugget.
And yet, he’s not alone. Suck it up, buttercup, as I have been told. And then I say, “I would, but my spirit is too broken to hold the straw”. Actually, I never said that, but I think I’ll drop it next time. Fun for the whole family!
Try to do it in front of ‘just met’ family members – like a huge family reunion or such…they like going home with stories like that.
Oh,Sara I feel your pain. I’ve had very similar frustrations. I don’t have the language element, however, living in America. Your YWCA plan sounds promising. They say networking is everything. You could always start with any job just to pay bills and get back and then the pressure would be off a little. Then, work on your graphic novel to keep fulfilled. Best of luck.
It’s who you know, not what, right? Well, in part anyway. Times like this I wish I knew Mrs. Jobgiver or Mr. Hiring a little better.
I have had several mid-life crises. I think I had one at 35, fairly certain of it in fact. Don’t worry it will pass, you will find your footing and then be asking the same question again sometime in the future. In the meantime, find something you love and do it with passion.
Passion I have, but not for all things equally. Time to commit!!
When I grow up I intend to be a train driver. It will happen…you’ll see…
I don’t doubt you for a second.
:)
I strongly believe that he key to finding what you truly want to do in life is to try as many different things as humanly possible. But, there is also no rule that says you can’t be a jack of all trades. Most people don’t have just one great love (relationship wise), so why should we feel like we should have only one career path and that’s that? It’s like the idea of “the one” but for work. Also, I have no idea what I am talking about.
For someone who has no idea what they’re talking about, you make a lot of sense. I don’t have to be Keanu Reeves. I could be a photoartwritress. Or A Zoofashionista. The possibilities are endless.
And those sound fancy too, so that’s a plus!
And those sound fancy too, so that’s a plus!
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I’m going through almost the same thing. I have a job but it is clearly time to leave.
Do I get another unfulfilling day job while I continue to pursue my dreams on the side? Do I try to get a job that is at least a little closer to what I want to do, even though it will take longer to find? Or do I just really go for it and risk having no income? It might be time for me to employ a career counselor.
Btw I read books for every problem in life. If you really need help deciding, this book’s pretty good http://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-Are-Personality/dp/0316167266/ref=sr_1_1
There’s always a compromise, I know. But I hope we can all find a job that doesn’t make us weep and drink excessively. Thanks for the link. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for that one.
Came over after reading Becca and glad I did. Your answers will help others and that in itself is a job and a calling. All joy in searching. HF
That is something I didn’t think of. Ah, if only some wealthy, creative patron would agree and hire me to blog all day…
Until then, I’ll take your well wishes to all my interviews. Can I use you as a reference?
Absolutely! My name, Harper Faulkner, is well known in literary circles. Of course, neither of the people they know are me, but it’s an election year and, apparently, blatantly lying is totally acceptable. All joy in finding the perfect job. HF
Ah, to kill a mocking blogger.
Genius! Thank you for the afternoon laugh. I’ve blogged for a year now and no one has ever made that pun. Well done! HF
Don’t encourage me…
You know “MWF Seeking New BFF” (http://mwfseekingbff.com/) turned her blog into a book – so that’s always a possibility! Also, as i know everyone above this has let you know that you’re not alone, I’ll let you know that those 20-somethings who’ll work for pennies are having the problem that our complete lack of experience makes us completely undesirable. My theory: I think all the businesses are actually lying that they’re hiring anyone! :p
But to us unemployed femmes – I’ll cheers to us, because when we eventually find work, be it awful/unsatisfying or great – we can always use the funds to do the things we DO enjoy :)
Ain’t that the truth. It’s funny how a steady paycheque can really adjust priorities. Money is like beer goggles for jobs.
I came here on recommendation from 25toFly, or Becca. There’s a lot of dissatisfaction going around, so you’re not alone. I don’t know how many people I’ve met at work or otherwise who are doing X, but are doing Y on the side for fun or money, or who plan on doing Y, or want do do Y, or dream of doing Y. Everything from playing bass in an 80s cover band, to refinishing furniture to sell on Craigslist, to, you know, blogging and/or writing a book.
It all makes sense to me. It’s hard to be fulfilled with that lifetime job, but it’s too scary to switch.
You were in my spam folder. Must be the “Hotspur” handle. Sounds porny.
You just added “furniture refinisher” to my list.
As somebody noted earlier, if all else fails, spend your day job money on your dream. That is, if there’s any left over from therapy and the vicodin addiction that gets one through the day. Not me, other people. Yeah.
I’m 35 and have also wanted to be so many things. I’m a Jack of all trades and master of none … so whilst I’m trying to figure out this roller coaster we call life, I enjoy the ride and close my eyes when the really big dips come.
To be honest I’ve given up trying to find myself … I think I’m lost beneath a giant pile of laundry.
Who’s got time to chase dreams with a never ending tsunami of dishes?
Isn’t that what husbands are for? Mine does all the dishes (but I do all the cooking.)
Le Clown isn’t bad. We’re both a bit lazy though. Or just slow… I swear, I get the 372 dishes washed, and as soon as I turn around, BAM! There’s another pile. Sisyphus ain’t got nuthin’ on me.
Well, you have children and I don’t, so there’s my competitive advantage in making dishwashing slightly less Sisyphean, as far as housework goes…
You’ve hit on something here: our grandparents took a career and stuck it out for half a century. I don’t know about you, but I was raised with that same expectation—which made the first career-choice a Big Hairy Deal! Better pick well, because the “script” says you 1) graduate college 2) get married and start your career 3) retire from that same career (after brilliant successes, of course) many decades later. My very first blog-post (a year ago yesterday) was titled “Burning the Script”… Never mind the Expectations–what do I want to do Today?
I just turned 38 (the day before you hit 35), and my jobs (so far) have included: waitress, microbiology lab technician, newspaper reporter, Girl Scout executive, research diver, high school teacher, portrait photographer, stay-home mommy, online curriculum developer, baseball coach, fossil exhumer, adjunct university faculty, minister, and writer. (Oh, and we can’t forget “tattooed chicken farmer!”) Life is WAY more interesting since I abandoned the worry of “what I should do when I grow up.” :)
Aaaahhhh… that makes me sigh a little with relief. I know I’m an anxious type which means I live in the past and the future, and not so much the present. I know (think) we’ll land on our collective feet (several times over, probably). I’ll go looking for that Burning the script post. Unless, of course, you’d like to link it here. Thanks, Kana. Le Clown speaks highly of you.
Here it is, my very first baby-step of blogging… ;) http://kanatyler.com/2011/09/23/burning-the-script/
Yeah, what they said. I’m late to the party because of my stupid job and my posts never get this kind of attention anyway, so what are you complaining about? (just kidding!!!)
I’d like to be all cheerleadery but I hate that and I can’t help but be a bit pessimistic. The ideal of meaningful work is just that, an ideal that’s been imposed on us like so many other unrealistic expectations such as this silly Canadian Dream thingy. You can find meaning and satisfaction outside of the workplace in abundance.
What paid work really has to be, at minimum, is tolerable – not going to make you crazier, and the people don’t completely suck. It may sound pretty awful, but that can actually be enough. I’ve been in that situation, and focused on the rest of my life to find meaning and value and the opportunity to contribute to the betterment of society or whateverthefuck. It was fine until something better came along.
You’ve had plenty of great advice here. So yes, dream big, don’t settle – but don’t be completely unrealistic either! And remember that your excellent family and adoring bloggy admirers are all infatuated with your magnificence, which is not simply reflected off some silly circus dude you happen to live with. It’s all you, baby, and if we have this much confidence in you, well, don’t you trust us??? You are awesome, regardless of your job, paycheck, or any other socially imposed measure of purported goodness.
Dee Dee, how’d you get so dreamy?
I am admittedly frazzled by the equally strong voices of “live your dream, no excuses!” and “get a job and quit whining”. I think I would be just fine with a job that doesn’t contribute to relapse. I feel like my needs are simple enough that they can be met easily. And the wants aren’t too far behind. I’m a pessimist too, but a pessimist who longs to be an optimist…or Optimus.
I think what really gnaws at me is the desperate desire to do something MEANINGFUL. Other than raise happy kids and be good to those around me. Something with a little more reach that will affect people in a good way. Grandiose? Conceited? Noble? But right now, I’m no good to anyone if I’m broke and stuck.
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I’m in a similar place. How terrible is it to wake up and know your dream may never come true? I don’t want to live in a world where it’s not even a possibility, but I have to eat and live somewhere… Good luck. I look forward to reading your journey.
Existential angst to the max (to people still say that?). I hope we find room for our dreams in our lives. I hope you keep trying for yours.
I want to be a photographer for National Geographic OR a Tornado Chaser. But I run a fence company said. Could we maybe make our own list of the “Middle 30 Over 30″? Because that would be AWESOME. I think we should get trophies. Thanks so much for following my blog!! :D
I want a trophy real bad, now. With your business savvy and my mentals, I bet we could start a trophy company. They’d have to be for “alternative” winners. Forget track and field, first place for Making The World Think You’re Grown Up! Or Best Display of Cubicle Interior Decorating…etc. We’ll be thousandaires!
DUDE. YES. I am so in!! Beginning R&D exactly now!!
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I’m a little late to this party but I just read Roller G and she sent me over here. I really cannot add much but I will give you perhaps hope: I have been working full time since I was 17. I have never stopped working and I have a husband and 2 kids. I have to work. i cannot afford to stop. I have worked every damn shitty job imaginable– every shitty shift — 3rd shift for 13 years. I have cleaned bathrooms, mopped floors, changed adult diapers, flipped hamburgers, and yes, fucking retail. However- at 36 my loving husband told me to apply for a part time job at a local library. He had faith it would lead to something. So i worked three jobs– one of which was the library. Now, I only have one job– my dream job. I love it– 8 years fulltime. So I know the blood soul sucking moments you speak of but I also know that good things happen. Keep the faith … I am new to your blog so i hope you don’t mind the ramble. I just feel for ya, you know?
Oh, how I love a good ramble, and a good story. This is hopeful, because sometimes I need a reminder that shit doesn’t stay shitty forever. Working somewhere is better than not working at all, and even a crap job is closer to a dream job than unemployment…hopefully. I LOOOOVE that you have found your professional bliss.
It’s not too young… I went to a school counsellor when I was 16 and was told I was having a ‘mid-life’ crisis, just way too soon.
I also was redirected by RollerG and I feel you. Some years back, I saw a video called “Shift Happens” or “Did you know 2.0″ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMcfrLYDm2U) that at one point indicates that most people will have somewhere around 14 careers in their lifetime. So its possible you will be able to pursue any number of the ones you’ve mentioned. I’m in this wierd transition place too, Greetings.
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