Are You Smarter than a Canadian?
My upcoming post is a public service, really.
My post over at Canadica debuts tomorrow. It will be fun. Probably more fun if you’re a little drunk*. Like karaoke or sex with ugly people. Wait, can I make fun of ugly people after my tirade regarding fat hate? Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes (Thanks Mr. Whitman).
Teaser: The post will be a game for Americans. There will be a prize (sort of).
Canadians, you are not allowed to help your American brethren and sistren. They never help us. Now it’s time for payback. Take THAT Americans! YEAH! [GRUNT]
And by THAT I mean, please do go read my post tomorrow. I need you. Sorry.
*sniffing glue can replace drinking alcohol if needed.
(photo by JoelZimmer on Flickr)
Go Canada!!!!
We will GO good!
Hmmm, as neither American nor Canadian, I’ll just go watch! xoxoM
It will be better than Reality TV. Yes, I know. I just set the bar REALLY HIGH.
In SPITE of the Reality TV reference, I’ll still go watch! ROFL! xoxoM
BRING. IT. ON.
Wait, what? Are you AMERICAN? This changes everything.
Well, except for that time I met this guy from Toronto who said, “You look like you have some Canadian in you. No? Would you *like* some Canadian in you?”
It only counts if he’s still there.
Dammit.
Citizenship withdrawn.
Hmmph. Not fair. It’s not MY fault that he didn’t have enough stamina.
So…what if I have a little French Canadian blood running through my veins? Is that an advantage?
Well, yes. That is an advantage. You can still play so long as you’ve never lived here, nor can you have any spies among us.
Cool. Never lived there. If I did send spies up there they’d probably be dead by now, so no worries there either.
Then get your game on, BROJO.
I think I have some Canadian by way of Google mapquest!!
Let’s hope my 5 years as a child spent living in a trailer home in the middle of a freezing Saskatchewan prairie will give me an edge. Then again, I lost too many neurons from the cold to remember much.
Uh oh. Your experience might be the steroids of this contest. We shall see….
I’ll need your pee, by the way.
Ha ha!! That made me laugh out loud. Something I love to do. :)
Can’t wait!
As a cross cultural being, you might find it funny…or sad. We’ll see. xo
I’m thinking funny. I’m truly excited
I am giddy with American superiority.
I hope you have the safety on.
i’m going to post a blurb about your post on my blog first thing tomorrow am!!!! yeaaaaaaaah, i can’t wait to get everything wrong! looool. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuun. xo, sm
Oh yeah. Self promotion. You’d think I’d have that down pat by now…I’M ON IT, MOM.
Have we voted yet? Do I get to vote now? Voting counts…voting matters. Where do I go to vote?
We are voting, right?
Actually, this blog is a dictatorship. Oh, no…it’s a US style democracy. I always get those two mixed up.
Smart-ass.
Can I say that outloud?
Yes. It’s a foul mouthed dictocracy. Piss boobs.
Piss boobs….that’s a new one..Clever Girl!!
The answer to the title of this post is…ABSOLUTELY. I mean, I don’t add that useless “U” to everything.
Lazy, lazy, lazy.
I would totally let you flee your oppressive government and seek refuge in my fine country. Oh wait, I got that backward, Canada is my escape plan…
We support your economy by buying your oil, electricity, water, and marijuana. Plenty of Canadians draw their paychecks from American companies without getting raped on health insurance like we do. We let you pollute our homeland with your solid waste for fees that will never cover the environmental damage of importing landfill material (I hope we’re secretly sending you nuclear waste disguised as, well, I’m not going to tell you. Keep guessing.) We send you fresh fruits and veggies in the winter when you’d otherwise be stuck with a scurvy-inducing diet of blubber, salt pork, and hardtack. We let you buy stuff cheaper on our side of the border than yours while pathetically thanking you for your patronage and weird coins that our stupid American parking meters won’t accept.
We also let you keep the weirdly gaudy but otherwise pretty dull part of Niagara Falls (sure, you have nice views – of our side!) and provide stewardship for the part with some real natural beauty. Our lush green park with formal gardens shaped like the Great Lakes waterways and wicked awesome Tesla statue is about a million times nicer than your overcrowded, roasting strip of pavement and ugly old fence with its ever-so-Canadian “don’t fall over, stupid Americans” stick man warning signs. You have that whacked out Clifton Hill thing with the giant Frankenstein Burger King and wax museums and price-gouging crap chain restaurants. I’ll take the less crowded (err… decaying…) US side with its NY State Park visitor center (complete with rangers who actually help people, easily accessible clean public restrooms, and *gasp* educational history exhibits) any day.
And we let you feel holier than thou. Quit looking down on me, you damn dirty Canucks! Oh wait, south isn’t down, is it?
I’m not really mad about Niagara Falls. I just haven’t been sleeping much lately and now I’m all TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE RANT RANT RANT RANT! Or maybe I’m really, really angry about Niagara Falls and am pretending to be funny or maybe just plain weird with a strangely long, rambling, stream-of-consciousness comment. Perhaps I’m just trying to keep you mystified and confused (is it working?!?)
At this point, I should be smart enough to close my browser and go to bed, but now that I’ve flung all this “we love you Canada, we really do” shite all over your blog, I have to step back and admire the Pollock-esque spatters of poo on your igloo. (Oh dear, I’m really loopy, aren’t I? But it’s FUN! Or maybe slightly disturbing, since I’m commenting in the nude. And I just had to make sure you knew that because I also want you to chortle at my manic antics until you pee yourself.)
You weren’t talking to an empty chair all this time, were you?
I love that you were thoughtful enough to decorate my igloo with human manure. Once frozen, my place will be the most well insulated ice house in the arctic. I will thank you with yellow snow cones and walrus balls.
Thank you for sharing Niagara Falls with us. You complete us.
xoxo
Yours in nudity,
sara