How to Get Over Blogger’s Block: Terrible Advice from an Amateur Hack
I have blogger’s block. I’m brimming with ideas, but writing full sentences is hard. Like, MATH hard. I have several titles written, and two nearly completed posts that bore me. If my own writing seems dull to me, I know that it’s a snoozefest for you, because I’m an expert on boring super important stuff.
A Certificate of Expertise in Everything from my studies abroad.
I keep hoping to get hit in the face with inspiration, but I read somewhere that good writers write even when they don’t want to, or some other masochistic nonsense. I don’t want to squeeze out a dry nugget of uninspired bull pucky and post for posting’s sake. So what should I do? So far, I have a few ideas for comfortable, gentle relief from brain constipation.
1) Read other blogs. Not only does this distract me from my own arid imagination and/or incompetence, I can find great ideas to steal expand upon.
2) Catch up on Facebook and Twitter. Both places are rife with fuel for my indignant fire. Nothing inspires a lively debate (a.k.a. one-sided rant) like an idiot and his/her uninformed opinions.
3) Drink lots of water. By doing this, I’ll pee a lot. It’s a scientificish fact that some of the greatest ideas were born on the toilet. I do some of my best thinking there.
The Throne of Thought: An tablet would be particularly useful in this scenario.
4) Try getting some work done. Whether it’s at the office at a job-type job, or at home pretending that sorting laundry really matters, attempt to start or finish a project. Every time I do this, I am struck with genius lightening, and have to drop everything to start writing. Sacrifice all for the sake of blogging. Deadlines are just suggestions.
5) Troll. I like to find “experts” and “gurus” and ask questions in the comments section like “are you being ironic?”. When they say “what do you mean?”, I vaguely reply “that answers that question”. Arguing passionately with complete strangers is also useful. Finding creative synonyms for “moron” can really get those juices flowing.
Trolling is fun for the whole family!
Bonus Tip: Write about the inability to write. As a jackhole blogging guru, I suggest telling people about the blockage. It’s a riveting subject, and even experts like myself will use it from time to time. Public whinging is very on trend.
Feel free to add your own inspiraxative. I’ll try anything once.
The Ringmistress,
If I was WordPress, I would Freshly Pressed this. And no, I am not being biased.
Le Clown
Dear Le Clown,
If I was a gazillionaire, I would add a gazillion dollars to our bank account, but I can’t, so it’s a moot point.
And yes you are.
Much love,
TRM
I actually was thinking this would be a good Freshly Pressed post as i was reading it…
Maybe a touch too scatological? BUT I’LL TAKE THE COMPLIMENT! Winky face.
Well, whenever you’re stuck for ideas, you could always add to the list here, as a recurring theme.
Much easier to expand a theme when the idea bin is dregs.
Your comment is the smartest thing in this whole post.
Writing for writing’s sake is like puking for puking’s sake, and usually produces content of about the same quality. Why do we do this to ourselves??
But I totally back the water=peeing tactic. And the trolling.
What about trollpeeing? Two birds with one block.
Fucktard, haven’t seen you on my blog lately… Pfft.
Don’t get cranky, I’ll be forced to trollpee you.
At least you’re on my wife’s blog. So I’ll shut the fuck up, camping woman.
Camping Woman will be my new super hero identity. And the blog rules, regardless of its author’s marital status, ya jerk!
Hannah,
You have outwitted me here. You owe me one.
Le Clown
Clown was pwned
Writing even when it hurts like one of those hard constipated turds is usually the sort of writing borne of necessity, deadlines, and/or profession.
The trick is that just getting started often the real blockage, and once you get going it starts moving more smoothly. Like slick owl shit, eventually. So even if what you initially grind out is crap, you can always edit later. When I have to write but don’t want to, I sort of get warmed up to the task with the writerly equivalent of an enema, and can go back and rescue any early diarrhea after something solid emerges.
Anyway, that’s the rationale. It can actually work.
Enough potty references for ya?
You gave me the poop tickles.
I am doing this fantastic thing where i try to detox off coffee wout killing myself and while still trying to form a sentence. Or u could do this, what u just wrote. It worked for me. Reading it, that is. Sigh. No coffee hurts. Mother
ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN!? Coffee is a food group. How can you eliminate a whole food group? The food pyramid will topple, and civilization will end, and it will be all your fault.
I mean…yay! I support you in your detox goals! Hurrah!
I agree on the Freshly Pressed comment. This is brilliant and I am a certified expert on that (interestingly, my certificate is strangely similar to yours). I’m all over #3 but forgot that I’m usually dying to write whenever I absolutely must do something else. #4 is genius!
The best way fro me to get something done is to have a more pressing issue to avoid. Big deadline? Time to clean the whole apartment!
So, how’s this for a block…? I can’t even think of a good comment to write….
Brilliant!
I bet you say that to all the trolls. xo
my lovely friend, I do not say that to all the trolls. Only to the ones I like
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Sometimes I get inspiration in the shower. The problem with that is there’s really no way to write it down, but if you wait, often you forget.
How about some bath crayons? Funny how NOT thinking about something can help you think about something.
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