Brain Rot
Sometimes, folks, the cure is as bad as the condition. I’m taking a buttload of Lamictal (often used to treat Bipolar II) which has considerably evened me out. No more super-productive, spastic, soaring highs (which I miss terribly – I only ever experienced hypomania, which is not as destructive or unbearable as mania. Quite awesome, actually). The Dark still visits, but with better manners and never for long. Even the crippling, insomnia-inducing anxiety is mostly held at bay. I don’t know if this is what Norms feel like, but I’m … functional.
The trade-off is, I feel as smart as a stack of phonebooks. My vocabulary is half of what it was. I have to refer to an online thesaurus every time I write. In conversation, I struggle to find words I used effortlessly in the past…like “avocado”. Despite my best efforts, I can’t type worth a damn. Once upon a time, I rarely saw the little red squiggly line under my typed text. Nary a one amongst pages of (incredibly brilliant) paragraphs. Now it’s like those nagging red worms multiplied and are taking over my screen. When I try to correct the words on my own, I still get them wrong. My brain is turning to mush, and any day now, it will start leaking out my eyes. You can imagine what kind of fall from grace this is for a grammar and spelling snob. A sommelier suddenly lacking a sense of smell.
It’s affecting my work, my daily life, my ability to communicate, and it’s pissing me off. There are physical impairments too, like a fucked up menstrual cycle, constant noise in my ears, sore throat, and headaches. But it beats sitting in an empty tub in a catatonic state… right?
The many faces of me
I believe that some meds are very useful to some people. I am grateful that I am functional enough to go to therapy appointments and start developing and using long term strategies that will help me recover and manage my condition (whatever the hell it is). When Lamictal and I go our separate ways, however, I am throwing a fucking party, and you’re all invited. Bring your big words.
Note: Everyone has unique experiences while on medication. Some experience virtually no side effects, while some are crippled by them. Some people will be on meds the rest of their lives, and some use them for a shorter period. I respect everyone’s experience with medication. Also, bad spelling or a limited vocabulary are not signs of a lower IQ, they’re simply a sign of impaired brain function for me. I mean no disrespect to people who rely on spell check and thesauri.
Wow! I admire how expressive you are especially when you’re doing it with difficulty. Drugs aren’t forever, and I believe that fear of medication can exaggerate their side effects. Try to be thankful for your drugs and even befriend them! Remember: the little evil of those drugs keep much greater evils at bay.
I agree. Once you find a med that works, it is better than the alternative. I know that people sometimes have to go through a lot of trial an error before finding an effective med with tolerable side-effects. One day, we’ll have meds with no side-effects…ONE DAY!
I’m giving you the look a caveman would give you if you show him a lighter :P
I know everyone’s experience on meds is different, but I am about to start on Lamictal and now you have me worried. I have to wait until I can afford it, anyway.
I find many side effects go away after a while, so maybe it will be the same with you.
*good*luck*
Trav
Heh heh…didn’t meran to scare ya. Actually, considering my experience with other meds, these side effects are very tolerable. In fact, I think a few of what I’m experiencing are in the “rare” category. Lamictal otherwise has been a real life saver. I hope you get some benefit from it.
Seriously, Lamictal is worth a try. Everything has side effect risks. Lamictal is actually far more benign than many, and way more effective than many.
I agree, the side effects are really quite tolerable compared to some other stuff I’ve had the displeasure of experiencing. The benefit is definitely worth it.
Also, agree that it’s quite tolerable. But thank you, Sara, because I was thinking that the brain rot was…well…my brain rotting. I have to admit that my memory got worse around the time I started taking Lamictal. I also started having WEIRD (and sometimes scary) dreams, I talk in my sleep now, etc. When my neurologist tried to put my on Topamax for my Intracranial Hypertension it was ten times worse. (Like the picture of you clicking the keyboard one finger at a time. NO, thank you.) It frustrates me to death that I lose train of thought and words are…um… um…constantly failing me.
But yeah, this has been more tolerable than other meds I’ve taken. How long have you been on Lamictal, Sara?
By the way, reblogging!
*massive, warm, squishy hugs*
and to you, as always!
I don’t have any experience with this kind of thing, but I admire that you openly speak about it, as well as your strength. I really admire your strength. I think it would be very easy, given what you described, to find reasons to stop taking the medication, yet you continue to, because – overall – you know that you’re better for taking it. That’s what makes you strong (because as you’ve been reading this comment, I imagine you are telling yourself you’re not strong).
Your support is awesome. Thank you. You’re right in that I don’t always consider my actions as signs of strength.
Despite my complaints (I complain as a hobby, it seems) this is the best drug for me so far. Giving me back a bit of normal.
SaraDraws,
I now have a chance at winning a game of Scrabbles against you, and not be humiliated losing by a score of:
Sara: 404
Le Clown: 12
Le Clown
Actually, it was 407 ro 227, but who’s counting?
You guys are too cute. Barf :)
Sometimes I think you actually are me and my hubby.
(This should come from my TMS account, but I’m too lazy to swap it.)
All is fair in love and Scrabble!
I hear ya, sistah.
Crossing fingers and toes that you find soon the right balance between treatment / symptoms so you can enjoy life and all the good things it can give you.
Sending good vibes your way
PS: You’re drawings still rock, though
Things are improving everyday, SSG. Most days, I think it’s going to be just fine. Leaps and bounds from where I was this time last year.
xo
p.s. thanks.
I think you are my Canadian mentalist doppelganger. This is EXACTLY what Lamictal has been like for me! Less hypomania, less depression, less anxiety. That part rocks.
The aphasia and typing problems only lasted a little while and then wore off. I was accidentally at 200mg for awhile (pharmacy error) and that might have caused it. When I went back down to 150mg, all of the language-related problems went away. For the most part. I still have more red squigglies than I used to. That really, really drove me up the wall.
“They” say that aphasia is a rare side effect but I have heard a lot more people report it than the official drug info would suggest. The typing problems, that’s just weird – I never heard of anyone else having that, but it was making me feel uber-stupid for awhile there, right in the middle of dissertation writing.
Lamictal messes with hormones. It screws up oral contraceptives, so you know it has to screw up normal hormones too – but good luck finding any information about that. My psych wouldn’t talk about it with me and all the Internets have to say is how Lamictal messes with the pill. I won’t go into details, but it temporarily gave me some really weird menstrual cycles and I continue to have heavy menses. I can handle that.
The hormonal issues seem to be causing mild depressive cycles every month, though, which I hate. It wasn’t noticeable before because I was too whacked out for it to really have much influence. Now that things are smoothed out, it’s really obvious.
I don’t get the noise or sore throat, but changes in Lamictal levels definitely gave me headaches. Again, temporary. Now I’m just more prone to headaches overall with all these freaking psychoactive drugs.
Anyway, I hope the side effects fade away – sometimes it just takes some time. Depending on how patient you’ve been for trying to wait them out, it might be worth trying to go down a dosage level and see if you still get the good mood stabilizing benefits without the side effects. It’s not an unusual tactic for med adjustment.
Oops. Sorry for the long, long rant.
OHMY GAWD! I thought I was the only typing spaz. Every time I bring it up with my pdoc, he tells me it’s like stress related…despite the fact that I’ve been crazy stressed before and it’s never manifested like that.
I am so glad to hear about your experience. It makes me feel … um… better? Not that I take pleasure in your side effect-ery …. just that there are times when I wondered if I was making it up/imagining things? Inflating things?
You c’mon over and rant any old time your little heart desires.
Yeah, it was just like my fingers were too uncoordinated and wouldn’t do what my brain told them to do. Definitely not stress-related because I’ve done loads of writing under pressure with no problems. I’m back up to speed now, though, and although my error rate is slightly higher than it once was, it’s nothing like that horrible dip it took for a little while.
Definitely not make-believe. At times, it’s hard to know what’s a side effect and what’s not.
Yes! Exactly. There’s a disconnect somewhere between brain and fingers. I watch myself making the error, knowing it’s an error, but I still can’t help it. FRAK!
I’m relieved to know that I’m not permanently brain damaged. I can’t imagine what writing a bazillion pages must have been like for you. OY!
man, you’re such a good writer. you realize there’s a book in this, right? not trying to be the yankee, new-yorker-f*ckbag who tried to marketize everything you do, BUT there’s a book here. i’m telling you. i know about this shit…somewhat. i’m thinking like a ‘prozac nation’ but, for bipolars. and i read prozac nation and it helped me to understand my mom better. you have no idea how much good you could do… and you have the wit and humor, writing skillz, AND most important – sensitivity – to deal with it all. i’m not kidding. i’d read it. food for thought…
Sometimes you make me cry, SM.
I haven’t read prozac nation, but now I will. Isn’t Christina Ricci in the movie? I love her.
I’ve dreamt about writing a book, but I always assumed it would be a graphic novel…hmmm…..
you really should do it. and i don’t throw statements around like that lightly. i know it will be difficult, especially on the meds you speak of, but i will tell you it’s ridiculous (to write a book) regardless and sometimes i write like a clunk-monster…the world’s clunkiest, longest, sentences ever and i have to spend years – okay, mins, but valuable mins – de-clunking them. so, it’s hard with or without meds and with meds it sounds – way worse, BUT i don’t know…this is just so well written. it begs for more and you write well for audiences who don’t have as much experience with this stuff too…i’m serious. anyway, a lot to undertake, i know. but, food for thought anyway and you SHOULD read prozac nation… i thought she was whiney, but then at the end she says something like, if you felt any of this was whiney…now you know exactly what it’s like to live with a depressive or something like that. we don’t have the same ability to get ourselves out of a funk like everyone else does. and in a sentence i understood my mother in a whole new way. now that’s powerful.
All this shit is going straight to my head, y’know. I’m gonna write a book, and send you a signed copy, and then email you a month later to say “so?” and you’ll feel awkward because you either didn’t read it or didn’t like it, and then you’ll have to be vague and say something like “you look great in your author pic”. Is it really worth it, SM? Is it?
To be honest, I find the idea exciting and terrifying….
I promise to think about it and blog my little bum off to keep the wheels greasy.
I’m happy that Prozac NAtion touched you in a way that changed the way you saw your mom. Having been on both sides of the crazy fence, being close to someone suffering from depression is a whole ‘nother kind of torment. A little understanding can be liberating.
it can indeed, my friend. it can indeed. and only food for thought. it’s not like there’s a deadline or anything… ;) momma
I would absolutely read a book authored by Sara. And it absolutely should be a autobio-graphic novel. Like Persepolis, but with less political oppression and more drugs. ;)
DFB, you’re a genius. Autobio-graphic? It’s the next big thing. And “Like Persepolis, but with less political oppression and more drugs” is a tagline if I ever heard one.
I have to echo what Sweet Mother said….not that we want to profit off of our pain, but hey, feeds the pets why not?
You really are a kick ass writer and to be honest, until I came to this blogging scene I knew almost zero about Bi-Polar anything, yet have been surrounded by people living with it for years.. So my long winded point is a book written in your easy-to read-style would be a very useful read for many..
very glad you are getting some normal back.. very glad:-)
Wait, we’re supposed to feed our pets? Well, that explains a lot…
I had no idea I was writing anything coherent. I mean, I’m used to my rambling, but I never expected other people to like it (outside of Le Clown, and he’s contractually obliged).
FPP, you’re words touch me. Thank you for the encouragement. People like you make me brave.
and it’s people like you that make me smile and say hell to the yeah!!
(you really are a good writer)
I experienced losing half my intellect through medication so, I know where you are coming from. I
Isn’t it infuriating? No meds can be, well, dangerous. At best it’s hard to function while battling mental health issues, and at worst…yeah, we know what the worst can be. But with meds, we may be functional, yet strangely not ourselves. Not all meds do this, but pretty much every one I’ve tried has “altered” me in a way I didn’t like.
It’s a long battle, but one worth fighting. Read your post about not feeling well. I hope you feel better soon…and yes, it could be depression related, but it could be meds related. One of the common side effects of Lamictal is “flu-like symptoms”…don’t know what you’re taking, but worth googling.
I lived through it. It became paralyzing for me. Mine was not just medication, though. When I was medicated enough to experience “brain rot”, I was medicated to levels where I was flat out stupid. I was too doped to know I was doped (it has been theorized retroactively that I actually had toxic levels of ammonia from divalproex sodium, but we never will know).
The brain rot that I noticed and lived through (consciously) was from electroconvulsive therapy and resultant post-traumatic stress disorder and a whole bunch of other garbage. It got so bad for me that for about two years, I basically couldn’t comprehend written language.
But. . . The moral of this story is that I am back and my brain is more beautiful than ever. And I have no doubt that you will find the same wonderful place for your own mind. And when you throw that party, I will bring the champagne!
Along with some phantasmagorical linguistic and semantic legerdemain.
Wow. wow…wow.
I heard the EST was still being used, but had not met anyone that had endured it.
Our brains are SO amazing, and still so mysterious. Psychiatry is still very much in it’s infancy. Meds are like brain pesticides…get rid of one pest but kill a bunch of good stuff at the same time.
You give me hope that my brain will recover. I look forward to the champagne. Oh, and I totally looked up “legerdemain” even though I speak enough French I should’ve figured it out. Your last sentence should be immortalized.
The good thing to remember about meds is that, with extremely rare exceptions, once you go off of them, they clear your system, and they do no lasting damage to your brain. That’s what was so painful and horrific about the ECT: That sh*t couldn’t be reversed. I had to teach myself a lot of things all over again, things that had come easily since I was young. And they didn’t come easily the second time around.
I did some things that you may find helpful in your medicated state. First, turn off the Auto Correct that gives you the squiggly lines (I can’t stand it anyway). Of course you then use Spell Check and all that stuff after the fact, but the fewer of those lines I saw, the less frustrated and anxious I got, and so it resulted in me making fewer mistakes. Also, trying to correct while writing can really interrupt the flow of a good piece (at least for me).
On correcting your own mistakes, here’s what I did. I have this fantastic dictionary I bought years ago. If you don’t have a good one, get one. A print dictionary is crucial. That’s what you learned with growing up, right? If you can’t figure out how to correct a word, look it up. Seriously. This makes you pause, focus on the word in question, and can rewire it into your brain. It takes more time to do it this way, but the payoff is well worth it. For me it was a long process, but I kept going until I could successfully correct my own mistakes 99.8% of the time. And that progressed nicely into making fewer mistakes. I still make errors now (who doesn’t?), but if you get a little more comfortable, you don’t notice them and look at every single one as evidence that your brain is functioning in a sub-par way.
The thesaurus. . . Embrace it. I have for all of my life (I have a big old print one of those I reference, too). That’s where legerdemain came from, I will admit unashamedly. Every writer should have a solid thesaurus by their side, no matter how broad their vocabulary is already.
You could always try kicking Lamictal to the curb in favor of something else, or playing with doses. As others have commented, it is regarded as having very few side effects, but I’ll tell you, I am the living embodiment of how every med affects every person differently. I’ve had side effects no one has heard of, I’ve had reactions to small doses of medications (some of which I had previously tried) that put me into the emergency room, I’ve been massively doped on benzodiazepines and anti-convulsants to the point where I should have been passed out in a stupor, and still had not only clear focus but intense, unrelenting insomnia. . . My primary care doc (who has known me more than half of my life) calls me a “metabolic mystery”. Point being, you may react better to other meds that are commonly regarded as having more intense side effects (or not).
No one knows that save you, Sara. You have to listen to your body and your brain to figure out what works for you. That is what kept me alive and fighting through years of medication roulette. I researched and kept notes and was absolutely clear with my doctors on what was and wasn’t acceptable in terms of reactions and side effects.
The bipolar world is big and scary, and it can be easy to just go with what your doctor tells you. After all, this is what they do for a living, right? But at the end of the day, they get to go home to their own lives, while you are still living this life 24/7. No one has a bigger investment in your treatment than you do, and from what I can tell, you have it in you to go in and take charge and kick a** and not let anyone tell you what the f*ck to do.
Which, ultimately, whatever medications you do or do not choose to take, will be what saves you. Because it will be your choice.
(Stepping gracefully down off of my soap box now. ;) )
Reblogged this on A Clown On Fire and commented:
You know about Le Clown, THE entertainer.
Now meet my wife, THE writer.
I have been watching my daughter go through it. One year and a half in once the meds were right.
Things are so much better. Lots of adjusting to and of the meds.
Much love.
RWB
It’s a far cry from an exact science. Sometimes we feel like guinea pigs. I’m happy for you and your daughter that you’ve finally found something effective. All this can be just as hard on the caretaker as it is on the sufferer…just in different ways.
Brutal for me to be quiet and supportive. Especially when the train was totally off the tracks.
I’m sure you and Clown could swap some horror stories.
It is not horror when it is someone you love.
You are a compassionate man. Your daughter is fortunate to have you on her side as she fights this battle.
It takes time to get the right combination of medications. It sounds like you’re having too many side effects. Medication doesn’t cure mental illness, it just allows people to cope with their issues more effectively. Speak to your doctor and discuss other meds that may give you better results without turning your mind to mush.
You’re right. I think that it’s too many side effect too, but so far it’s the most effective med. Though I would like to see the side effects go, I’m a little fearful of having the other stuff come back. That, and my pdoc doesn’t seem to think my side effects are side effects….
I think I’m not alone in what could be called “medication fatigue”. I’m a bit worn out from trying drug after drug, tweaking, changing, adding, subtracting. Maybe “ok, but with manageable side effects” is good enough for now. I am seeing my pdoc soon, so we’ll have another conversation about it. It’s just so nice to have relief from the constant emotional turmoil that, though I complain, I might just put up with the meds until I can get myself back on my emotional feet (that I may never have been on in the firat place).
I do understand. Changing meds is a long process. You need to taper off the first med to start the new one and then wait till you’re on the right level. The best thing you can do for yourself is to educate yourself about any drug they put you on and watch yourself carefully for how you’re reacting. In time you will find the right combination or the least disruptive combination.
Ha! “The least disruptive combination” is a god way of putting it. I know that meds are better than they were, and will continue to improve, especially if we can have conversations with our doctors about them.
Gosh Sara. That sound really tough and… immensely difficult. I hope you find strength in writing and the support/feedback you get from your followers. Take care ♥
I do. I am sincerely taken aback at how freaking awesome everyone here is. There are worse things to endure, and I will get through this. Writing it all down is great therapy indeed. Thank you, Anette.
Reblogged this on Quit the Cure and commented:
Wholeheartedly understand this post!
You are righteous!
Everyone else has said what I would have said had they not gotten here first, particularly great, GREAT writing, you oughta do a book! I only suffer from depression, went from Prozac to Paxil to Zoloft to Effexor. Plateaued on each and convinced psych to let me get to next one. Except for the last time. I have done some meth in my past life, among other things, and found that it allowed me to be able to do stuff. Not crazy, speedy stuff, just stuff like washing the dishes and making the bed and cleaning the house. Stuff like wanting to be around people. Then I found out that there was a psych drug that had meth in it. I asked my psych if he would prescribe it for me. He said no. So I told him, “OK, then, I’ll have to find some more meth,” and smiled. He smiled back but didn’t say anything. But now that I’m older, meth scares me too much so I won’t be taking any anytime soon. Or ever again. The loss of words thing…thank you again. I thought I was either just getting older or exhibiting early signs of Alzheimer’s. The side effects the psychs don’t tell you about? It’s because they don’t know about them. Whenever I told my guy about stuff, he’d always say it was anxiety or stress. Oh, really? Then why was I taking anxiolytics if they weren’t working? Docs only know basically what the drug reps tell them. They don’t have time to read up or do any research on their own. WE have to be the ones to tell them again and again and again until maybe they’ll start listening. I’m scheduled for another appt in June and am going to be asking for something different because once again I’ve plateaued. Or maybe ask to start cutting back on stuff. You know, instead of finding new drugs to help, someday in the not-too-distant future they’ll be finding the genomes for depression and mania and other mental illnesses and be able to attack them at the source. Maybe with those little robots they now have that can go into the body and…hey, I’m going on too much! Sorry! I just really had to add my 2 cents here (yeah, yeah I know, 202 cents) to let you know how in awe of you I am. Keep on writing and telling it like it is, Missy! Hugs!
That’s the kicker with a lot of these meds (especially SSRI’s)..they stop working. People plateau, like you said, and need more more more, until they’re maxed out and have to start over again on something else. It’s pretty common, from what I hear. If you read non-fiction, you might be interested in The Anatomy of an Epidemic. The author won a Pulitzer for this book. Extremely informative about the rise of psychiatric medicine and why everybody seems to be on drugs these days. A bit dense, but very illuminating.
I’ve never done meth, but I can understand how anything with a kick can make a depressed person feel functional. I was on Wellbutrin for a while, and it gave me that kick. I didn’t want to go off even though it wasn’t doing much for me just because I finally had enough energy to rejoin the world.
What we are rarely told is that a good relationship with your health care person (pdoc, therapist, GP whatever) is paramount. Dialogue is essential, because though doctors are experts on a subject, they are not experts in all subjects and no one knows you like you know you. Easier said than done in an era where docs can’t give their patients more than a few minutes for an appointment. It’s a flawed system, and it takes a lot of work, but it can be beneficial. I was fortunate enough to have acute treatment while in Day Hospital. I hope you can have a good conversation with your pdoc.
Thank you for your extremely kind compliments, and feel free to leave a high word count any time!
I agree…this is definitely a book. So many of us are struggling with mood disorders or watching our loved ones battle them. Your sense of humor would balance out the anguish for a strong and healthy perspective…sign me up! Thank you for your honesty…great post!
I’m constantly amazed at how many people are affected by mental health struggles. Yet it’s the elephant in the waiting room. How is it we’re all going through this, yet so many of us feel alone in it? You’re right, all this stuff needs to be talked about, because that’s how people get through and start to recover (on both sides of that crazy fence).
I’m so very flattered by your words. Jennifer. Thank you.
You are most welcome:) You are a wonderful writer…
Since you are a REAL writer, like a grown-up-person-who-people-read-because-you’re-really-good writer…I’m humbled and a little dumbstruck. Thank you.
WOW! That made my day…completely…sigh…thank you so much!
Oh I totally hear you, I am medicated for anxiety and depression… I had wicked highs and lows before meds. Loved the highs… miss the highs…
I almost stopped taking them because well, lets just say that I liked to chase the “perfect” high….and not having the “natural” one any more kinda left me sad….
Anyway, it took my body/mind a while to adjust to the chemicals in my body…. so I was a drooling, forgetful mess for a while. I stopped writing for a bit…. AND THEN something amazing happened. The creative juices started flowing, I no longer sat around cross-eyed and blowing bubbles….
For me, the meds are probably a life-time thing. but everyone is different.
This is encouraging news. It seems no one has had a permanent chemical lobotomy, and everyone has come back to a kind of “normal” (whatever that means). I do miss those highs, and “chasing the perfect high” is a brilliant way of putting it. There’s something almost addict like…I would guzzle multiple energy drinks hoping to trigger a high…or at least recreate one, before I started meds.
I know that taking meds for the rest of my life is a possibility, as many people do find them helpful on a permanent basis. I will cross that bridge when I get to it, I suppose, but in the meantime I’ll get my ass good and therapied, and then try weaning off the drugs and see what happens…
I appreciate your hopeful words, H&M
Brutal honesty AND humor? 2 qualities that make a good writer/storyteller and you have both.
STOP IT! Actually, no don’t. You people are like a crack fix to this lady. It feels soooo good, but I will keep demanding more.
Coming from a writer like you, I can only blush.
I’ve had similar symptoms, but am on Seroquel, Lithium, Deplin, plus xanax, etc. I stopped taking ambien every night and am a little less of a zombie. But I still can’t really read or concentrate or speak well. Good thing I’m barely ever around other people.
LOVE your illustration. The angry one looks just like me (I imagine) when I explode. Obsessed.
Hope you get things sorted out. Feel good.
D.
(also should be from TMS Therapy, but still too lazy to switch)
And the same to you! Here’s to the journey back to non-zombie-dom!
“Normal” is a word that is much more difficult to define than it sounds. I understand what you don’t want to feel from the outside-in. Depression (or whatever label-of-the-moment fits), runs without boundaries through my father’s side of our family, often fueled by Dewars straight up and loaded guns. So my question to you (and feel free not to answer), is this: if you could write (eyes reflecting the lens, fingers on the keys) your own definition of “normal” (think sensorily…smells that evoke memories, moments when you feel peace, something mundane that makes you smile), what would it be?
That’s what you’re looking for as you tweak your meds, and I’ve seen, firsthand, that a normal you like can be found once you know where to look.
Le Clown’s is my favorite blog at the moment. I understand, from this one post, what a beautiful pair you make.
That is fucking poetic, unlike the comment I just made.
And it’s fantastic advice, to boot. I guess I was wandering around a bit aimlessly, trying to reach an as-of-yet undefined goal.
You’re gooood.
And Le Clown rocks my world, but don’t tell him that.
Your secret is super-safe with me. I’m a huge fan of upper hand advantage in any and all relationships, especially because I write, eat, and hypnotize people with my left one which throws everyone off.
You are wily. I like wily.
I hear ya. I have a mood disorder, hell, I’m experiencing an episode right now. I’m on meds but I don’t think they’re working at all. The side effects are annoying but at least minimal.
Keep on keeping on.
It’s a long journey to a tolerable place….good luck, Fred. May your episode be harmless and brief.
Thank you. That’s very kind.
I’m a jerk for not commenting on this until now.
I had an experience taking medications that made me want to jump off of a building. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. I got so dulled that I just stopped caring about…life. I had to wean myself off of the meds slowly because if I stopped cold turkey I could die. That was sort of a “wake up” call for me.
I’ve spent years getting to a place where I’ve healed myself through exercise, food, and many nights of laying in bed and talking myself away from anxiety attacks. I know that some people NEED to be on medication so there is absolutely no judgment there. Just sharing my experience.
The most important thing I’ve learned is to never hope for something I can’t be. I’ll never be a person who is free from anxiety, or extreme sadness, or night terrors. What I can be is a person who manages them in a way that makes herself proud, and gives her the most normal life possible.
I think you’re brilliant, and I hope you do too.
Yup. The jerkiest jerk to ever jerk. That’s you.
I hope very much to learn hoe to manage without meds. Fucking feelings. Causing trouble and getting all up in my grill.
I appreciate you sharing this kind of stuff. Makes me feel less crazy, and more awesome. Thank you.
“Once upon a time, I rarely saw the little red squiggly line under my typed text. Nary a one amongst pages of (incredibly brilliant) paragraphs. Now it’s like those nagging red worms multiplied and are taking over my screen.”
OMG! i so can relate to this! i slacked off, too much TV, social networking site, ugh. I’m overdosing myself with unnecessary and useless information.
i feel like my perception is at worst LOL.
have to get back to reading and do some physical activities :)
Like REAL BOOKS? Do those exist anymore? Yeah, exercise help the brain…good for the mood too. Now if only I could get my ass of my chair.
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