Tag
I’m doing this because I’m narcissistic. I’m stopping it here because I have an overwhelming urge to tag people who hate this sort of thing, and I want to live another day.
It’s a game. If you are one of the aforementioned haters, feel free to get off here.
LuLu tagged me here (she’s not half the arsehole I am). This is what I’m supposed to do.
- Post the rules that are a part of this game
- Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
- Tag eleven people and link to them on your post
- Let them know you’ve tagged them! (but of course)
I’m doing one (done) and two (narcissism!). I’m not going past that. It’s an excuse for a post. Deal with it.
Lulu’s questions, my answers:
- Scenario. You are in your house and a fire breaks out. You have five minutes to grab things, and then you have to get out. What do you take? Clothes, creatures (that includes kids and Clown), camera, champagne.
- What would you do with a billion dollars? Money bath
- Do you have an unpopular opinion? What is it? Many. Littering is better than the dump.
- What do you think your five most unusual quirks are? I can gleek at will. I can’t count.
- Do you think that you could ever kill a person, given the right circumstances? Yup.
- What are your thoughts on astrology, extraterrestrials, and the supernatural? They’re disparate subjects.
- What was the last lie you told? I can’t count.
- What does the word “hate” mean to you? A feeling that drugs numb.
- Contrastingly, what does the word “love” mean to you? “ok Clown, I’ll move in with you”.
- What is your definition of cheating? Looking at the notes scribbled on your palm while having sex with someone else.
- Are you particular or picky about anything? If so, what? Skin (see Dermatillomania). True story.
Now for you guys.
- Worst baby name?
Happiest day of my life, obviously.
- Have you ever eaten your own scabs?
- Do you like me or The Clown more?
- Would you accept free labiaplasty?
- Do you know what a merkin is?
- Do you think I’m obsessed with vaginas?
- Have you ever vajazzled?
- What’s the nastiest word you know in a language other than English?
- Do these goggles make me look fat?
- What is the vegan stance on semen?
- Would you wear a scarf made from The Clown’s beard if I made you one?
- BONUS QUESTION: What do your pets say about you when they think you’re not listening?
I’m actually interested in your answers. Leave them in the comments section, if you have nothing else to do with your precious, limited time on this planet.
p.s. I mean no disrespect to people you play this game in earnest. If I wasn’t snarky about it, it wouldn’t be me.
Lomas,
You’re so fucking cool.
CoF
1. Anything in the top 10 most popular names.
2. Doubtless as a child.
3. Trick question.
4. No. No. No.
5. Yes, even before I double-checked to make sure I was right. Ew.
6. I don’t have enough information to make that judgment. I think most women take an unhealthy disinterest.
7. Nope. I’d go with mehndi before crystally thingies.
8. My host family refused to teach me swears.
9. Honestly? They don’t help. But I don’t imagine that you wear them every day. Right?
10. I don’t know, and the question had never previously crossed my mind. Now I’m terribly curious.
11. Given how much work would go into growing, spinning, and knitting/weaving/crocheting said scarf, yes. That would be quite a demonstration of care.
12. I wish they would make less noise when they’re screwing.
Regarding 3) Trick ANSWER!
9) And what if I do? But I appreciate the honesty and think you should go shopping with me. Mirrors lie.
Thank you for answering. I’m sorry about your host family.
Worst baby name? Moxie CrimeFighter – It’s an interesting concept, but I feel bad for the child who has this name on their birth certificate and the kind of interactions she will have while growing up.
Have you ever eaten your own scabs? I honestly don’t know if I did when I was little, probably, the way little kids will taste their bugers, yuck.
Do you like me or The Clown more? I feel more connected to you, empathically speaking, but the Clown’s pov is compelling.
Would you accept free labiaplasty? Not a clue what it is and too lazy to google it.
Do you know what a merkin is? see above
Do you think I’m obsessed with vaginas? I don’t know you well enough to answer that question
Have you ever vajazzled? again, clueless and lazy
What’s the nastiest word you know in a language other than English? scheist – shocking, I know.
Do these goggles make me look fat? Goggles can make someone look fat?
What is the vegan stance on semen? Not a vegan and don’t know.
Would you wear a scarf made from The Clown’s beard if I made you one? I don’t like to wear scarves.
BONUS QUESTION: What do your pets say about you when they think you’re not listening? No pest to speak of me.
You wiggled out of a lot of those. Don’t think I didn’t notice.
You’re off the hook this time…but next time….
next time….
wiggle, wiggle
1. L-a – pronounced La-dash-a (the little girl told us “the dash ain’t silent”)
2. NO!
3. I like you both just fine, thank you.
4. I’m not sure what that entails but no. I like mine just fine, thank you.
5. I’m in the market for a merkin actually.
6. Too soon to tell but perhaps yes.
7. I saw a groupon for this once. I didn’t buy it.
8. After 4 years of French and 2 years of Russian I don’t know any French or Russian any more. Plus Madame Conn wouldn’t teach us any of that. And my host family just laughed at me when I tried to say Le Centre Pompidou.
9. No but they do make you look happy as fuck.
10. Hahahaha….I can’t speak for vegans, but in my vegetarian years, I never got on my soapbox. I just got on my knees. (I’m bothered and tickled by that crass statement)
11. Given the fact that once hair falls off or is removed from the body and I get grossed out, then, No. I would not wear that. But I’d smile politely and thank you for the nice gift.
12. Hey guys aren’t they the best? I wish they were home all day!
I think you’re fibbing about 2 and 12.
The merkin question was inspired by you. I didn’t know it was a thing. But I am terrifically out of touch…with everything, really. Unless it’s a trending topic on Twitter.
p.s. Pompidou counts if you ask me.
I learned about merkins from Howard Stern who was interviewing Juliette Lewis. I have a serious streak of juvenile humor/humo[u]r in me.
I’m glad I could teach you something new and utterly useless!
P.S. – I’m almost certain I didn’t do the scab thing.
If you’ve ever seen Strangers with Candy you might remember this scene.
Boy – Hey Geri! Eat this.
Geri Blank – eagerly grabs object and swallows it, then asks, “What is it?”
Boy – It’s a scab!
Geri – Awww, not again!
1.) Female. Seriously, pronounced Fem-al-ee.
2.) You mean ingesting them all of the way? Probably not. Did I bite them off? Hell yeah!
3.) Both equally. There are only one of me and two of you.
4.) No. Ain’t no knife going near my parts. Surgery with a laser once, not doing it again.
5.) I do now. Thanks.
6.) No. Nobody on the planet can be more obsessed with vaginas than Kurt Cobain was.
7.) Sounds fun, but sadly no, I have not made any aesthetic alterations to my va-jay-jay other than going Brazilian.
8.) Cunt. I swear to God, it is just vile.
9.) No, they are extraordinarily flattering.
10.) It is an animal product, right?
11.) Please do. I’ll take pics of me sporting it around Pittsburgh.
12.) If by pets, you mean my kid, well, he’s already told my husband what a bitch I am. Otherwise, it’s just the insects that probably don’t notice me much.
3) The Clown is harmless. So choose me.
4) There’s so much potential for making my own story up with that sentence.
6) Heart shaped box, anyone?
9) Right!?
11) I have so much to look forward to :/
Thank you for playing with me.
3.) Okay, fine. Sorry Clown, but she has a point. If I’m going to survive the zombie apocolypse, I need someone trigger happy.
4.) Don’t worry. I’m not sure you could make up a story my friends and family haven’t about my Ivag. Except, they didn’t mount a turret in there. They took the money and ran.
6.) His particular thing was diseased vaginas. There you go.
9.) Photoshoot maybe?
11.) Well, there’s plenty. The almighty beard. And then the “Thank God you shaved that beard off!” And then fashioning it into something quite lovely, I’m sure. Just for a giggle, ask a ginger for his pubes.
I’m a lemming…and also on my lunch break so…
1) Dog
2) I don’t know…I block a lot of things out.
3) Isn’t that obvious?
4) No. I don’t need it. My labia are perfect.
5) Yes.
6) Yes.
7) No, but I’ve assdazzled.
8) Hitler
9) As I like to say, “It’s not the clothes that make you look fat, it’s the fat that makes you look fat.” That being said, no, you look super skinny.
10) Tastes like chicken.
11) Scarf, no. Merkin, yes.
12) Spike talks about how hilarious and awesome I am…that’s not true. When I’m not around he’s mostly eating his poop.
3) Yes (but don’t tell him. he’s sensitive)
5) you are a godess of faux
7) prove it
10) not in my experience. but I’ve made some bad choices.
11) GENIUS
12) who isn’t?
I was eagerly awaiting your responses. I knew you’d come through. Hoorah.
3) Never. No one likes a sad clown.
5) I know
7) I will, but only in person.
10) Nevermind, I don’t think Vegans are allowed to eat sex.
11) See #5
12) Vegans.
You have officially out-awesomed me. I bow to thee, she of funiness.
It’s not a contest, it’s a dance and we’s good partners. :)
am i supposed to answer these? have i been tagged? i don’t think so, but i’m going to answer anyway because i’m a tard. a tard that enjoys quiz like things.
1. loser – some a-home actually named his baby this. it’s in the ‘freakonomics’ documentary
2. no, but if they were ever put atop a croque-monsieur, i would.
3. too many to name just one.
4. no. she is a gift the way she is. i mean, she’s a self-cleaning oven and a work of art all at once, what more could you ask for.
5. it’s either a thing crazy ladies put period blood in or a hat for a merlin. one of the two.
6. yes.
7. no, but it’s only because i haven’t come across the right gemstones.
8. malparido or cara de verga.
9. no, they make you look buggish.
10. it is a neutral zone, much like the white sauce on a falafel. you asked.
11. for how long and would it get me views? if no longer than an hour and if yes, then yes.
12. this a-hole needs to get off the internet
and by a-home, i mean a-hole
I thought for a second that you were being all PG, n’ shit. Then I took my head out of my arse.
It was an open call. You’re good. Tardy, but good.
1) No matter how incompetent I am, I can’t possibly mess my kid up that much
2) You just made my day with this new thing.
8) nasty
10) mmmmmm……
11) like, blog views, or what-the-shit-is-that-insane-lady-wearing views?
I feel closer to you now. Thank you.
1. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, III.
2. Only underwater when they soften.
3. Trick question. (As in “I’d trick with you both.”)
4. I already have, and it’s FABULOUS.
5. I just dye.
6. “Labia Flakes, a nutritional start for any day!”
7. I’ve buttdazzled.
8. !Me cago en la leche de tu madre!
9. Another trick question. (As in, I would NOT trick with you in those glasses.)
10. Finally a question I can answer. It’s protein for the gym (a.k.a. “Gay Church”).
11. See #7.
12. “!Me cago en la leche de tu madre, Maricon!”
1) I sure hope you sang that.
5) Fave colour?
6) THAT’S WHAT I KEEP SAYING!
7) You and CJack would get along.
8) Please elaborate. Do you mean mother’s milk or my mom’s milk?
9) You’re obviously very jealous.
10) You didn’t answer. You only revealed.
13) You’re fun and I hope we can play together again soon.
The picture of you in the goggles makes me want to get down on one knee and offer you a very classy diamond ring from The Shane Company.
I knew that I just had to wait for THE ONE. Looks like The Clown is getting the boot.