Shut-in is the New Black.
CRAP. I thought I could, but I can’t. It’s not you, it’s me. Trust me. It really is me.
A dear friend is moving today, and I offered to help, because that’s what good friends do. They wrangle cats or lift boxes or go on pizza runs for you when you move all your dusty second-hand furniture from crappy, too-small apartment A into much-less-crappy apartment B.
In the great battle of Me vs Me, Me usually wins.
Today is the big day, and I totally fucking froze. I haven’t seen this friend for five months. I crashed HARD after my wedding in September, and I have seen almost nobody socially since then.
I’m afraid. Of everyone.
Ironic since I’m typically outgoing, social, charming, friendly, etc.
But several pills and pounds later, the thought of facing those who knew me well, and especially facing those I don’t know at all, makes me queasy. I fear having to explain everything for the umpteenth time.I fear people noticing that I am twice the woman I used to be ~ almost literally. I fear the total renegotiation of all my relationships.
“Hi _____! Oh yeah, I’m doing ok, but I may have to leave suddenly because I get overwhelmed by anxiety. Oh, and I often cancel last minute because I feel like shit and/or can’t get out of bed. And I probably won’t remember half of what you tell me in this conversation. And I’m thinking of taking up drooling as a hobby….” and so on.
I’ve come a long way, and I have a lot of awesome high functioning days. But not this day.
Hang in there. *gentle hugs*
backatchya
*happy, spazzy dancing*
*empathizes* And then the guilt. :( Sucks to feel that way, but remember that you have every right to feel the way you do. Don’t be ashamed of taking care of yourself. If you force yourself to do something when it is *this* difficult, it can cause a lot more problems. Maybe, a few steps down the road, you will be able to have this friend over where you feel more comfortable. Good luck! *hug*
Thank you! One things I’m learning in my seemingly endless therapy is I can trust my gut. If it don’t feel right, it ain’t right (imagine me saying that line with a Texas drawl). Because, hell-to-the-yes, it would be a lot worse to “fake” it through the situation. Playing pretend got me here, and I’m ready to leave.
I have to giggle that you said that about the Texas drawl. I am in Texas. Although I don’t like it here for the most part, I have managed to pick up a bit of a drawl. *lol*
As for following your gut…I completely agree!
Word!
Sphagnum!
Sputum?
The move went well. Your friends will never forgive you. At least that’s what they said when I ate the special gluten-free lunch they had prepared for you.
Oh. And they send their love to you. And big f*cking hugs.
ta yeule
Unlike what clownface said. I totally forgive you. Actually to forgive you would mean that I am upset and I’m not. Even without an explanation I would have understood. And with the explanation, I would have run over to your house to give you a bug hug or a big hug (depending what you prefer) but I did have to move. I’m not sure my friends and family would have appreciated me not showing up to my own move.
The hungry men were happy to eat your lunch, even if it was gluten-free. It was not wasted.
When my place is all fixed up, I would love to cook you a gluten-free meal.
P.S. I love you !
P.P.S. You have a great husband even though he’s a bit of a clown.
P.P.P.S I hope he got the massage he deserved.
For a minute, I didn’t know who “Essy” was, and I got all defensive for Eric…then I quickly realised that there was nothing but love in that comment (well, maybe a little sass). Thanks Essy, for everything.
You two bring the sass out in me, in a good way.
Your welcome love bug! Anytime, I mean it.
Wow. It really is. Shut-in’s must be huge in France. What will the cafe’s do?
I’ve said your shut-in speech almost verbatime to friends. “I’d love to come out and play, but I’m going to have to cancel again as my pipes are busted. What? I can’t here you, dear, waters running… Buh-bye.”
Sara, your pin-point honesty kills me.
Uncle
PS- I like the picture of you peeing standing-up.
Well, I didn’t mean to kill you, but it’s appropriate that you’re now a ghost in the attic.
I hear attics and basements are all the rage with spectres like yourself.
Hope you get those pipes fixed.
ok, you just wowed the pants off me (well, not literally, of course) – I am/can be such the hermit and know only one person who “gets it” about those sometimes (irrational-appearing) boundaries that are, nonetheless, real and strong!!! That sort of thing is totally missing from her playbook, but “get it” she does. And I seldom “call-in-sick” for planned outings with her, as I sometimes do with many others.
Well said!!! And it’s good to have friends like that!!!
:)
janet
I think pants are overrated, so feel free to be pants-free anytime when visiting this place.
Irrational or not, the more I obey my gut, the less stressed I am. Hiding from the world is not along term solution (is it?), but for now, why add more stress than necessary? Am I right? I’m glad you have a pal that “gets it”. Tres important.
smiley face
sara
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